Estoy Nueces

I want to write in my online journal, but I'm at a loss as to what to write. After months (years?) of angst and anguish, I am at a very happy time. In addition to being happy, I am feeling the pressure of needing to keep my private life private. Maybe I have kept the diary and continually put my life out there for all to see (with my psuedonyms and veiled references) because I had no other venue to do it. Now that I'm back on the radio I am doing it, to a degree, every day. I do wonder if I need to go back through the entries and see if there is anything that needs to be removed or altered. Or should I start up a whole new journal under a new assumed name?

Meanwhile, I'm learning more and more from my therapist (one of the things that I DON'T share on my radio show). After years of feeling guilt-ridden, I am realizing that I am not feeling guilt, I'm feeling fear, anger, regret, disappointment, longing, embarassment, etc. etc. and I'm labeling it guilt. I haven't discussed any of this with him just yet, but I think this is probably what he was leading me to last week.

I have been in agony for days with a strained neck and shoulder. Finally got to the chiropractor this morning and he did things that made new and exciting pains up and down my torso. I will dose myself up with heavy drugs and try to go to sleep soon.

Either that or I will do some "work" work at home for a while. It is that dreaded time that I must prepare the Christmas music for the station. Most listeners have no clue how much work it takes to play a few Christmas songs each year.