Sunday, Jun. 17, 2018 2:32 pm

Zola?

I need to get back to lyric checking. I took a "short" break to order groceries and think a bit about my monthly finances and whether or not I can afford to live. I think I might be able to make it. The BIG occasional expenses like taxes and insurance are going to be the things I'll have to plan on. I will have to be very careful about my drinking and eating out expenses and even my gas usage.

I've only done one hour of lyric checking today and need to get a couple more in before I go to see John Michael and Kyle and those people. I don't suppose we will be there way too long since it is a special occasion reception thing? I hope it isn't very long. Couple of hours maybe.

More and more things of Mark's are driving me nuts and I am reluctant to even get out of bed when he is home. If I never hear the sound of a lint roller going over his shirts it will be too soon.

Yesterday he had to pick her up at the airport. She'd been in Delaware all week. That put all the pieces together of me finding him calling a florist in Delaware last Friday, but not knowing why since she was in town for a gig that night. I see now. She flew to Delaware the next day and he had those flowers delivered to her while she was there. Isn't that special. Makes me want to fucking rip his head off.

I had acupuncture yesterday and Rachelle was proud of me for finally taking this step and talking about how creepy Mark can be. She said she felt he was creepy 19 years ago when he brought her presents for her clinic. I remember being slightly annoyed, but I loved her too so didn't think too much about it. She said the only reason she still had them was because of her love for me.

Trevor and I talked a long time last night. He found a house in Chilicothe for us to move to -- 4 bedrooms and only 119,000. He said I could work at the funeral home and he'd bag groceries. He is ready to chuck this job and everything and get out. I don't blame him. He has some big run ins with the bosses this week over their desire/need for us to 1.) socialize less and 2.) socialize more and they also want music playing in our area. JEESUS. We fought for this silence for five solid years before we got the music turned off in the new building.

Yesterday I was feeling this frantic anxious feeling and tried some weed and I do think it really calmed things down. I have been feeling anxious all morning and have done nothing. Eating did calm it a little bit, but it is ramping up again.

I had a great night at D's the other night just swimming and floating for a long time and then eating a frozen pizza. Drank lots of those bottled margarita fake things. So so good, especially with salt on the rims. I want to be that kind of friend where my friends feel like they can just come to the house and hang out with now agenda and we can just eat and drink things I have on hand. I need to replenish her supply of those drinks.

I just ordered the usual groceries -- litter and Triscuits and peanut butter. My last order with Mark living here, I expect. Wonder how much I'll need in the way of groceries after he is gone? Litter will still be required.

Mark did tell his family that we were splitting this week. His dad and stepmom have emailed me sweetly. His brother called, but I didn't pick up. His mother hasn't responded at all, which is kind of weird. I notified my 4 niblings and heard from 3 of them. I'm sure #4 things her husbands email is enough for the both of them and it is.

One thing that struck me funny this week. I had thought about the ugly quilt/dustruffle/shams that his dad had given us from his great-grandmother. Ugly peach and turquoise. I was thinking I would make Mark take it with him. His dad wrote to say he gave it to me and he wanted me to keep it and pass it on to the boys if they wanted it. sigh. I guess I'll sack it up and put it in the back of a closet.

I'm feeling so much of this damn fraughtness. I need a name for it. Reginald? Archie? or probably a girls' name... Zandra? Frankie (but that's for cranky). Zola? That's a thought. I'll try it out for a while.

My god -- so much Zola today! If I could only control the Zola. (reminds me of zoloft so that is a plus).

I'm going to shower, dress, be ready for this thing this evening and settle, I swear I am going to settle, to do some more WORK.

Before || After
Older Entries
Zola? - Sunday, Jun. 17, 2018
Work Restlessness - Friday, June 15, 2018
Insurance and Support and Confused Mama - Wednesday, Jun. 13, 2018
Busy weekend - Monday, Jun. 11, 2018
Mediation Day - Thursday, Jun. 07, 2018
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