Estoy Nueces

I've been thinking a lot this morning about listeners and becoming friends with listeners. I'm trying to remember if I have ever REALLY become a friend with a listener. I can't think of any. I think I need to create some rules for myself to not have to think about these things.

This started with an email relationship with a listener (a woman!... don't get ahead of the story). She emailed last fall. She also was from the Panhandle and had cats and was nice. She also was an author. I have to admit, that was what made me want to be HER friend. We emailed back and forth. She was going to be at a booth at the book festival last November so I went by and met her there. She was older than me and seemed nice, motherly, but I could immediately tell there was no "friendship chemistry" between us. But she gave me a copy of each of her books, which was nice. She wanted some publicity out of the deal, so I don't feel bad about taking them. I think I did give her a mention on the air, or at least passed one on to the morning show that mentions them. [her novels are about a policewoman in Austin]

So I come home and read the books and I thought they were, well, not awful, but not good. They had their moments and there was a plot and some good characters, but just pretty wooden action and dialogue. I'm no editor, but I can tell when a book is well written. [yes, and that is why none of mine have made it out of my house, I know they have these same faults.] So I'm thinking, though, that for this book to be published and be this poorly written, I should get busy and publish mine or send them to an agent. B

Then my mother-in-law, who truly IS an editor, came to town. I was telling her about these books and she was looking at them and the imprint and she felt that they were self-published or published at a vanity press. Yes, there are a lot more self-published and vanity press published books these days that are successful and don't have quite the stigma of the days before the internet, but there is still a taint, especially on a novel. That relieved my mind some that the quality of the big publishing houses hasn't been lowered to this level.

I admit that knowing this about my "author friend" made me less interested in being her friend. Does that make me shallow? Would I be less interesting to her if I weren't on the radio? Probably!

So, tiime goes by. Her husband dies, which is sad. She invited me to his memorial service, but I didn't attend, I just emailed my sympathies. Then she packed up her cats in her RV and moved to be nearer her daughter in Tennessee. She continued an occasional email.

Yesterday, she called and was back in town. That is another problem. She tends to call me while I'm on the air and wants to "chat." I don't "chat" while I'm on the air. You have a question? Ask me. You have a comment? Make it. I am moving down a line of phone calls with the countdown clock clicking on the song I'm playing and I NEVER let a listener hang on the phone while I talk on the air (if I can help it at all). So she calls yesterday and tells me that she is back in town for breast cancer surgery next week. That is VERY sad and I am sympathetic to this again (although it bugs me when people deliver sad news to me while I'm on the air). Again, though, she says "Maybe we can get together while I'm here." I have always just ignored those questions in her emails. I keep hoping she'll get the idea. And I guess she has because she has never pursued it. If she ever does flat out ask, I'm going to have to say, "I just don't have lunch with listeners." Does that seem rude?

I did meet a listener for coffee once when he and I exchanged some books. Then later I let him and his wife take me to dinner. They were not boring people, but they were quite a bit older than me and just didn't have that much in common. I think that friendship has already cooled considerably so that I don't have to deal with it anymore.

I can cite many other cases where I became friends (of a sort) with listeners and things went badly. Not just a little strange, but bad. I think I need to constantly remember Laura in Arkansas, the one in Oregon who I can't think of her name, and the others and keep my personal life and my relationship with my listeners strictly over the radio as much as possible.

I'm off to my accordion teacher's for a cup of coffee and then out to the lake for a remote. Tonight a new restaurant downtown for the band and a cocktail with my friend Double M. That will be fun.