Saturday, Mar. 14, 2020 11:25 pm
I'll be 61 in 35 minutes (or truly not until 7:17 a.m.) but it is not a birthday I am celebrating this year.
Today my sister and I discussed the end of our mother's life. Whether it is going to be after surgery and hospital transfers and more misery to MAYBE get back to a way of life that wasn't that great to her or to let her go to hospice care and die with drugs for pain and misery. We've talked about it with Mother many many times and I am confident that hospice is the right decision, but that doesn't mean it is any easier to choose it. But Mom is in such pain and misery and has a tube down her nose and pain all over her body from this and from her usual array of old bones and muscles. Poor poor dear. Tomorrow we'll go back and see where things are now. Today the last thing was taking a CT scan that showed some things weren't quite as dismal as they thought, but that doesn't mean they are better.
I need to do work for WORK and that is the least of my priorities, but I really was trying to get something done tonight and I can't. TP gave me his password into one portal and it doesn't work any better than my own credentials.... it just won't let me in. So I went back to the platform that has worked fine and it has no content there to use. I can't win. I guess I will send him my list of songs for the programs we're talking about and let him try to do it without me. I always worry when he sees my choices for a client. As much as he hates his boss nitpicking, he nitpicks, too.
So tonight I'm sad and tired and so many contingencies in my mind. Crappy birthday. Crappy whatever.
And ALL of those complaints are before the coronavirus that is interfering with everything in the world right now. None of this may matter one twit after we all have the virus. I'm gloomy about the whole damn world.