Estoy Nueces

Friday. I have been out-of-work/overworked for so long now that the word Friday doesn't mean what it did at one time. I don't get the dizzying, relief-because-the-weekend-is-upon-me, feeling. I hope it comes back in time. I am anticipating this weekend more keenly than usual since there is no trip to Dallas lined up and looming. Tonight, it's happy hour with the Austin online journalers at Guero's. Tomorrow, a remote at the Bob Bullock museum that should be nice if the weather is as pleasant as Troy Kimmel promises, gardening in the afternoon (?), a visit from Perfect C and her new perfect man from California in the evening, and nothing on Sunday (?). I can hope. It is shaping up to be a weekend that I can catch-up, rest-up, hide-out.

I've done a great job this week at working less. Doing the same job, just being at the office fewer hours. It has helped that the boss is out of town, not that he ever cares or even notices the hours I put in, but it gives me some relief in my over-burdened, paranoid, mind that I can "get away with it." We'll see if I can keep it up next week when he is back. I am looking forward to him being back. It is weird to have a boss that I look forward to seeing and enjoy when he stops by my office or studio, rather than have that cold wash of fear and nausea overcome me.

I have been bummed this week and teetering on that brink of the blues. I hope it is just PMS and hormonal and will all be fine again soon. Partly it has been induced by a pay discrepancy at work. I have done my dangedest to understand the way I'm paid on some of the work I do. I have asked and quizzed and gone to sales managers and salesmen and women and thought I had it nailed down. Apparently not. My paycheck was considerably lower than I had anticipated. It is a sad state to be making more money than I've ever made, to be fully employed again after so long of underemployment, to be raking it in, by all measures, and still be panicked because this paycheck can't cover what needs to be covered. It's a week until the next payday and I have $40 in my checking account. Granted, four months ago I would have had 50 cents and have had a check on a kite hoping it didn't hit, but I'm still too close for comfort. When the good boss returns next week we'll talk about this, and even if the pay scale is still what they are telling me it is (the low amount), I'll be okay with it, I just don't want it to be deceiving to me and the customer. The way they sell it to a customer right now, they believe I'm getting a certain amount where I'm only getting about two-thirds of that amount. I guess I could equate it to tipping at the restaurant. The customer tipped me $5 thinking I would get all of that tip when really I had to share it with the bartender and the busboys, but even that is different from me having to give one-third of it to the restaurant.

I'm up early this morning and I love it. I can't make it happen, but it is a wonderful thing when I naturally wake up early and want to get up. It's rare and I'm enjoying it. I'm off to acupuncture now and hope she can relieve the kinks in my head/jaw/neck/shoulder/arm/thumb that the mouse and the awkward set-up of our computer at work has done to me.