Estoy Nueces

Final entry for 2019, I expect. I did see my new therapist after I wrote last time and then I saw him this morning for real for the first time. He is really a nice young man and he makes some sense. He asked if I find myself substituting an emotion for an action, as in just allowing myself to be frustrated and mad instead of taking action to fix the problem. Of course I do that all the time.

I got my feeling hurt by DH again yesterday. Friday she asked what I was doing Saturday evening and asked me to come down because her kids J and her boo B were going to cook dinner for her, why didn't I come and celebrate her birthday with her. Just low key. I told her I'd have to check on something and I"d get back with her. I check with B! (she was in town for Christmas) and she said she and her family had Saturday plans so I was free. I texted and said I could do it. She texted back later and said, Never mind, she was feeling so down they just weren't going to do it. Okay, I can be sympathetic (we are coming up on the 3rd anniversary of her husband's death and it seems like something triggered her the other day). So Saturday I do stuff here and just stay home for the day. Later on Facebook I see pics of DH with her friend Wendy and there's a birthday cake with her name on it and everyone is smiles. I feel like she got a better offer so she pushed off me (and maybe J and B too). So, I'm playing games with her, too. I emailed and asked her to come to MY house on New Year's Day for corned beef and cabbage and black-eyed peas. I don't think she will. She'll probably say she already has something going and why don't I come down there, but I think I won't. I'd rather be home.

Christmas was good with the family. I was sick through some of it. Just barely sick, but tired. This ear infection drags on and on and I will see an ENT Thursday, but I slept away most of Christmas Eve. We had nice dinner at the nephews with the babies and then lunch and games with the other nephew on Christmas Day. I went to visit Mother that night and had dinner with her. Her memory is slipping more and that is sad. They all had a family dinner on Saturday with everyone except me.

But tomorrow Nephew #2 and his baby girl #2 are coming to see me and just me. I'll bring them here for lunch and we'll visit and play with cats.

Yesterday and today I have spent some time at my writing desk in my room --- writing cards or in my journal. I want more time like that. Ritual and calming and meaningful.

I didn't have to do radio tonight and I won't have to do it tomorrow either. It has been lovely to have a little break from it. Steve gave me a nice bonus when I was up there for our lunch. Twice as much as I expected. Lovely.