Sunday, Apr. 02, 2023 6:53 am
Mother's Death
Mom died on Wednesday, March 29, 2023, at 5:04 a.m. My sister and I were both there. It was going to be my night to stay all night long, but it did seem like the time was coming and I told my sister to stay, too. So we both were awake all night watching over her and were with her as she drew those last halting breaths. It wasn't like I imagined people's last breaths were, it was a lot harder for her than I expected. It was such a relief to let her go and get her out of those six days of misery.
This morning I am up early to drive to Amarillo for her funeral tomorrow. My dear cousins will all be there. A couple of cousin's kids and grandkids will be there, too. I'm interested to see who else will be there. My closest college friend lives there and even flew from DC for my dad's funeral, but she has a very important doctor visit she couldn't change so she will not. As for the other friends, you never know if they will consider it important or if they have other obligations. I think we can expect 30. I wish Mother were getting a big church funeral with lots of flowers and singers and speakers, but it will be a pared down and simple affair. I know she would be happy with that, too.
Since she died we have been so freakin' busy. I hate that. I slept most of that day, thankfully, but then we were back there to get her cedar chest and move it to my house (while we had the pickup and help of my nephews). Then we've been back every day just trying to get it emptied and cleaned. LOTS went to charity-- clothes, furniture, unopened bathroom things, etc. Lots went to my sister's and my houses. Last night I brought seven boxes into the house so that they won't stay in the garage for six months (or more). They are here where I will have to deal with them all. The house is a wreck.
I will soon throw some more clothes in my bag and get on the road and leave this mess behind for a couple of days. I'll get up there this afternoon, maybe in time for a nap. Tonight a family dinner at 6 p.m. Tomorrow the funeral at 11 a.m. and lunch after that. Then most people are heading home. I am going to stay another night so I can have another good nap and see a friend or two. I will come home at my own pace Tuesday afternoon.
My dear boss told me to put down last week's hours as if I had worked, even though I wasn't there one second. Then he told me to put this week down as bereavement and take the whole week off. He is very kind hearted. I was arguing with him, but he is right. I am going to need some time to get my feet back on the ground and clean this house and GRIEVE. I haven't really cried yet and I don't know if I will. I cried as she was dying, but not much. It's the drugs I take, I just don't cry much.
I've talked about the gratefulness I have for mother's easy death so many times I jokingly told my sister "#4 and #6" as if I have them numbered because I repeat them so much. She didn't have cancer. She didn't break a bone and have to go to rehab. She didn't get dementia so bad that she didn't know us. She wasn't curled up in a ball and unresponsive for months. She didn't die in her sleep without us there. It was a surprise, but not a total shock. She never wanted to get this old in the first place. Etc. I hear about people who are diagnosed with cancer and die a week later. Now that doesn't seem so horrible for them either (unless they are still young, of course). At least we had Mom's papers in order and her estate can pay for the funeral.
I wrote a beautiful obituary for Mother and I have had lots of compliments on it. I love that praise, although I feel it still could have been so much better. So much more I wanted to say and to really capture how sweet she was.
This may all hit me in a few days, but I'm calm for now. I'm sure I'll cry when my cousins cry and when my nephews cry, but I hope we are all crying for joy as well as sorrow.