Estoy Nueces

I've been so happy because I've been calmer this week with my clean house and routine tasks being done. And then yesterday I messed up somehow. My radio boss called at 1:30 and had heard some tracks that weren't correct. I was certain I'd done my show and put the tracks in. No panic because I was sure this wasn't my fault. But I go and look into the radio station computer and my tracks are NOT in. WTF? Did I get distracted (again) and not even know I didn't do it? Now I began doubting myself and have no idea. I feel like I did them, but I can't be 100% sure. SO... another new daily routine I will make myself do to guarantee(?) they will be in each day. I just began making a full sheet for the log each day so I know what I'm going to be talking about, etc. Now I am going to add the time I've uploaded the tracks at the bottom so I can be sure I did it (or not). Woe to me if I fuck this up again.

Today I'm at that Saturday crossroads deciding if I should take a shower and wash my hair before I get dressed or go ahead an put that off until later in case I want to sweat outside a little. I feel too funky to wait, I think. And if I wash my hair I can go sit outside and let it dry a little. Maybe.

Part of me wants to just continue in this chair and do genealogy.

I do have a focus for today that involves the shower and the clothes.... I'm going out to dinner AGAIN tonight. Two weeks in a row? I haven't gone out to dinner on a Saturday night twice in the whole time I've lived here and now I'm doing it two weeks in a row!? Tonight is an old... "friend?" I guess that fits. He is my ex-husband's oldest, best friend. So, of course, by proxy he became my friend 31 years ago. They have certainly drifted apart over the years because they have completely different lives. I don't know when they even last saw one another. I saw him maybe 6 years ago? It was in part of our negotiations of divorce that Mark would tell his parents, brother, and this friend that we were divorcing by a specified date. My family was all pretty much in the loop. But two or three months went by and he hadn't told this friend and I was in Dallas for something so I called him and went by to visit and let him know. I haven't seen him since then, even after moving up here just a few miles away. He called when Mother died and was very nice and we decided we would go out to dinner. I still waited until he called and set it up. I would not feel right calling Mark's friend. I sure wouldn't want him going out with my dearest friends. But this isn't a romantic thing AT ALL. As much as Mark and this man diverged and had totally different lives, I did too. This friend has never married and if you are with him a bit it is easy to see why. He's one of those guys that looks great ON PAPER, but not in person. Handsome, tall, well dressed, a gentleman, owns a house and nice car, makes a ton of money and is good at his job, travels the world and goes skiing several times a year, works out and is healthy. Oh, and he volunteers regular for several organizations, including his church. Boy, he does sound like marriage material, right? No, you'd have to really bend to his expectations and be ready to put him on a pedestal (well, he's already put himself up there, you just have to worship from below). He's not a jerk, but you would just have to have super chemistry to fall for him, I think. He had one great love, but she lived in Switzerland and had a young son there so she couldn't move to the US for him. She later died of cancer, sadly. She was a wonderful woman. I met her. I always hoped he would find someone that would loosen him up a bit and make him more fun, but that hasn't happened and it seems very unlikely at his age now.

But he's buying my dinner so I'm willing to go out.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. One of my nephew's suggested getting together with my sister and husband and I'm glad. Boys sometimes aren't the best at celebrating Mother's Day. I don't know if she's heard from the other one or not. I hope celebrating her own Mother's Day will make it easier to not have a mother to celebrate. I am not feeling great sadness over Mother's Day, but I also expect to just avoid it and not think of it tomorrow. I did send a bouquet of flowers to my friend that was my step-mother-in-law. I felt like I should do something for someone.