Sunday, Dec. 03, 2023 12:21 pm
Jack Again and Christmas prep
I FINALLY was brave and saw some Dallas music by myself last night and it was a success. I'm proud of me. The theater is the Kessler and it is a fabulous place. I'd been there once before when Mark played there with Guy on Mother's birthday maybe five years ago? The entire family went, even the (grown) kids. So I knew it was a cool place, but didn't realize how close it really is. It is totally across town, but only 30 minutes to get there. It's in a "bad" part of town, but it is a developing cool neighborhood and had lots of traffic and people and I parked on the side street, but very close to the main street and I felt safe. The staff of the place were also very warm and I liked that. One asked me my name and encouraged me to come back.
I went to see my old friend Jack. I was trying to think of how many times I've seen him perform. I would say at least 20, but I kept thinking of more. Of course I've had him perform in my studio four feet from me. He has been a favorite of mine before I met him and once I met him I truly fell "in love." Not a crush on him despite him being handsome and adorable, but just in his whole persona, life, music. He and I talked "therapy" from the first day and I think that was a bond.... people didn't talk about therapy back then.
His show last night was good. I saw him last 4 years ago and this was better, more planned and "enthralling" (not the best word, but he drew you in as the night went further). He was very funny. I had hoped to see him, but I've never seen him in a place like this where I don't have access. I didn't know where he would go so he was gone.
It may have been just as well because I was a bit gobsmacked and sad -- and I know I wasn't alone -- toward the end. He had talked about his kids and wife and the normal thing through the show. But toward the end he said, "And I was telling my girlfriend..." and I thought, GIRLFRIEND? This was a very vocal crowd (meaning drunk) and several said "GIRLFRIEND? WHAT?" a couple of time and Jack said, Yeah, we got a divorce. Unhappy sounds around the room that pissed him off a little. "I didn't get a divorce, WE got a divorce. No good marriage ends (or something like that)" and he went on. And he said 27 years of marriage, so they married a few years after us and lasted a bit longer (because of three kids that we didn't have, thank goodness). But it makes me sad because that was part of his appeal that he loved his wife at home that much. Of course, many of his best songs did seem to be about her and their struggles (but maybe not, he's a story teller). I had only met her once in all our many years so I didn't know her. I think I only met one of his children. His daughter was with him on the air with me once and said, "Daddy I need to potty" which was adorable. She's 21 and at SMU now.
Jack also came out and seemed old and fat. But I'm old and fat, too, so it does happen and we don't see it in ourselves, for sure. He seemed better as a performer and in his attitude than 4 years ago so maybe divorce has improved things. One observation I had (and disapproval in my critical mind) was that he has written a number one song with a female songwriter friend. The two of them and one other guy go to Marfa to write. He told a story about them being high and asleep in the yard last night. She's married, too, but even if this was totally on the up-and-up I am sensitive that that musician and musician girl connection that can crop up. Who knows if that was in any of it. I'm sure not in the grand scheme of things. Troubles are troubles and they've been there a long time, just like in my marriage.
My family is all in Belgium for the weekend and I miss them! Weird when ALL of them are away at one time. It is my brother-in-law's stepmother's 80th birthday. She's the sweetest and I'm glad they are doing this for her. I took my sister and BIL to the airport in the cold cold rain Thursday afternoon.
I wrote last weekend before I went to see my friend where she was dogsitting. We had a lovely day, visiting and having lunch at a local spot. The house she was in was so fabulous. It was TOTALLY mid-century modern. They have money and go to thrift stores and have concentrated on this a long time so every stick of furniture and lamp and dish and ornament was all old-fashioned and cool as fuck. I loved it. But I REALLY loved the woman's art! She had a jam-packed-full office (but meticulously organized) AND a jam-packed-full studio AND another room for taking photographs of her art and packaging it to send it. I took a ton of pictures to inspire me.... and I hope someday they will. haha Her art was mixed media collage with old photographs and old books and paper ephemera. It is exactly what I want to do but she had amazing vision and the things she drew together were very very cool.
Yesterday I got the second tree up and lit. I got the first tree more decorated and I got the THIRD tree up in my office. And there is a FOURTH tree from Mom's I could put up too. I've suppressed my Christmas joy for 30 years and I'm just going to put it up if I want to put it up. Next year may be totally different, but I want to remember who I once was.
NOTE TO SELF -- I dwell on the end of my friendship with DH way too much, but it was honestly as hard as the divorce, but in a different way. It doesn't have the fights and the true breakup so I really do grieve for what happened. Some of it does lead me to four years ago when I had a terrible ear infection for a month and we went to Lubbock. But I was looking back in this diary for something four years ago and saw where she invited me to her house for a low-key birthday celebration with her daughter and her boo cooking for her. Then she disinvited me because she was feeling down and they weren't going to do it. Then she posted pictures of dinner and cake and another female friend there with them. I felt like I got thrown over for a better offer. So that was well before COVID and I know things had already been weird that year. That trip to Lubbock may have been a factor. Let it go, let it go...