Wednesday, Sept. 29, 2010 8:20 pm

Sadness/bummed

I went by the genealogy celebration last night, but it was a bust for me. Smug, old, condescending people for the most part and the speaker wasn't going to begin until 730. It "started" at 630 with socializing, but I had my fill of that and was beginning to get antsy, knowing how much work I had to go do at the station, so I bailed just a little after 7 and left my smug, condescending, old table mates in my dust.

I'm out here on the cool patio with dogs parking, crickets chirping, and an airplane flying somewhere. The weather is so nice. I wonder how people in California and other perfect-weather places can even stand it in its perfectness.

I went to see Dr. M. today. He is such a sweet man. I saw online that he is only 60. That kind of surprised me so I studied him a little more today and decided that is probably right. What shocked me was when his nurse said she was 54. I don't know how old I thought she was, but I sure didn't have her pegged as "my age." She and the office manager both had wild lovelife tales to tell me, which amuses me that they feel they can confide in my. The OM had lost her husband 2 years ago, which made me sad because I know she was head over heels with him. He was black and she said he died just a few days before the election, which was sad for her that he didn't get to vote for a black man. At least he saw that it was coming. But now she is seeing an old high school boyfriend that she thought died in Vietnam and she grieved for him many years ago. Only problem, he is still quite married. Of course, she said his wife is horrible, etc. etc. and I was nice enough to not criticize her for her illicit affair. ha. And the nurse apparently remarried 3 years ago to a man she had known a long time. I think she had been single a long time. But he turned out to be a horrible husband/father so she is moving out this weekend. Drama! I'm glad I don't have drama. Dr. M. asked me what I do for fun and that was such a hard question to answer. I know I'm not enjoying life like I have in the past and I know what needs to be done, but I am slow to do these things. I hope the writing class tomorrow gives me more skip in my step.

We got sad news last night. My cousin Martha, Henry's wife, died unexpectedly. I feel bad for Henry, Roger, Paula, and everyone else in their family. The funeral is going to be tomorrow morning in Waxahachie so I am going to go up for it. Mother and my sister will be there, too. Long drive, but worth it. I was reading letters Martha sent me years ago just this past week. And Paula had been with her cleaning graves last week, too. She was not old, either. Sad.

My depression floats around me like a blanket, muffling all enjoyment. I'm a little miffed at Mark this week at the very limited time we've had together. He falls asleep the minute I come home or, like tonight, he's going out to some shows. I had thought about going to see Raul tonight, but I have some typing to do now and I'm going to have to get up so early for this funeral tomorrow that I won't. I've got the new CD and that will have to do.

I guess there is more depression today because of Martha's death and also the news that my friend Winston is not long for this world either. Maybe 6 months. I feel so sad for his kids and his ex. Sad.

I need to plan something fun for myself soon. I keep thinking of what would make me happy and i can't even come up with things, but maybe I should drive to San Antonio and go to their botanic gardens or just go to our Japanese gardens here. That would be a step. I would like to find someone to go kayaking with me, too. I really really want to do that some more, but don't feel competent enough to do it alone.

Mark's off to his shows. I won't see him until tomorrow night about this time. I (once again) need to just make my own fun and do what I want to do. When I was in NC I saw cute little restaurants and stores and I would think "I want to go there!" I've been trying to see Austin with those same eyes and be adventurous.

Now that he's gone, I think I'll go find me some food. I had my Cheerios and coffee at 7 a.m. and a almond Sweet 'n' Salty bar about 4 this afternoon and that's been it for today. There is some leftover lasagna I'm going to eat first and grave from that point on.

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Older Entries
Book Club - Tuesday, Jan. 28, 2014
A Good Saturday Ahead - Saturday, Jan. 18, 2014
Back to Work - Monday, Jan. 06, 2014
The New Year Arrives - Wednesday, Jan. 01, 2014
Engaged - Monday, Dec. 30, 2013
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