Estoy Nueces

After the anxiety of two weeks waiting for the old boss to leave, now I am living in the anxiety of the limbo of not knowing if I have the job. Still, I am continuing to be CONVINCED it is mine for a few seconds and then equally convinced that it isn't mine for the next day and a half.

Monday I began on afternoons and I have done well and enjoyed them. They are frantic and hectic and everyone walks in and out of the studio assuming I can do this blindfolded. Right now, it isn't coming naturally so I am having to be careful and put the person IN the studio on hold while I work the person on the other side of the radio a while.

Today I had a good whiff of that assurance that good things are happening. For the first time in days, I saw the good boss and met about the music and changes to be made. It was a great relief to find we are on the same page and really working toward the same goals. He happily took many of my suggestions and none of his thoughts rubbed me the wrong way. I had a very happy day making some of these changes.

This is a far cry from where I was Monday. Monday I went in early for a meeting that delayed and delayed and then was only with one person instead of the two I expected and what was discussed at the meeting could have been agreed to over the phone. Very aggravating. It made my anxiety level shoot to the top of the scale. I went on to my other job and then back for afternoons and finally had to take a Valium to be able to not freak out on the air.

Tuesday morning I had my appointment with the therapist and it really helped to be able to just unload. It also helps because I really don't have to explain full situations to him, I can go into my insecurities and fears and the fog I'm living in rather than the concrete and the reality.

I'm spending a lot of time at the station and that's good. I am glad I want to be there and want to be doing what I'm doing. I'm feeling more optimistic about the "other" job that I might get too. I might be okay with that. Talking with the therapist I realized again how much I respect and trust my boss despite a long history of not trusting bosses. I need to remember he is different from most.

Today was Mark's birthday. I made him an apple pie late last night and gave him a card. Wow, what a birthday. Not quite up to mine spent on Maui in March. It's what he asked for, though, so I'm giving it to him.