October 15, 2003 11:55 pm
Persistent relationships
I don't know that anyone under 30 can really understand a persistent relationship, but those of us over 30 (way over 30). . .KNOW. I'm not talking about the Christams-card relationships. I have many of those and I enjoy them. There is a girl I worked with back at the motivation company in Dallas in the 80s. We never even worked in the same division, never even had lunch together that I can recall, but we liked each other, we clicked. Then she married and moved to Oregon. On one of my trips to Portland to see an old boyfriend, I had dinner with her and the husband and enjoyed their company again. We've been exchanging Christmas cards for 15 years now and she's had two kids and moved a couple of times, as have I (except for the kid part). That is not a persistent relationship. That is a Christmas-card relationship that is very pleasant.
A persistent relationship is like I have with a college friend. She lived across the hall from me in the dorm. She was fun and we did some things together. She did stuff with everyone on the wing of our dorm, everyone enjoyed her company and her zest. We did a lot of things together. She ate at my folks house, I made trips home to visit her parents with her. We went together on a two week trip to California. We had a lot of fun in the late 70s. I don't know that she would have ever graduated from college except for me. She came from a really small school and a background that didn't emphasize education. She didn't know what major to declare and had difficulty with many subjects because of her small-town education. I encouraged her to declare radio/TV as her major, knowing it was the easiest major on a college campus. She did, and did quite well, and got her college degree. I'm not sure if she had even graduated from college yet when she married my ex-boyfriend (oh, there is a long story there) and moved away. We kept in touch and I was in the wedding, of course, and then I heard all about the messy divorce. But through all of these after-college years, I no longer had that close connection, that same feeling of friendship. She always had lots and lots of friends and didn't particularly need me to be her friend (and I like to be needed).
Twenty something years have passed since college and we are still more than Christmas-card friends. We occasionally e-mail, we sometimes call, and if I am in her town or she is in mine, we are expected to hook up and make a happy hour and try to connect on that original level again. It hasn't happened in 15 years or so and if I met her today I am certain we'd never develop a friendship. But it is a "persistent relationship" and we'll be friends until we die.
But, you know, I wouldn't doubt that there are some friends that I have that I enjoy seeing and I enjoy being with and look forward to their company that might consider me only a "persistent relationship," so I guess I should not be so quick to dismiss this, or any, relationship. I do believe that we are all here to learn from one another and anyone that comes across my path, good or bad, is there for me to learn from.
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So what am I supposed to learn from my co-worker with whom I'm having this tiff? I haven't seen him since Friday so the fight does not continue, but it still bothers me. I did have the opportunity to tell my boss/friend about it today and I do think I presented it in a way that was factual and necessary and not whiny. He is a good boss and asked what I thought he should DO about it. Well, there is NOTHING to be done, I just needed him to be aware of it in case it went any further or more was said. He understands.
Bummed about the Cubs loss to the Marlins tonight. What a drag. I root for the underdog and no one is more of an underdog than the Cubs. But they won't be in the Series this time. Go Bo Sox!!! I'm pulling for them so I'll have an underdog to root for in the Series (and watch get creamed, I'm afraid). If it is the Yankees and Marlins in the Series? Uh, I believe I'll catch up on a lot of my taped TV shows and rent a video.