Thursday, Oct. 13, 2005 12:29 am

MEN!

Hell, I know this is really a double entry for the day, but I just need to vent. Weird. What is happening to the men in my life? Let's see, CGP stood me up about ten days ago. I emailed him that my feelings were hurt that he stood me up. He emailed back that he got home, laid down, woke up and it was 1:30 and he had missed the show. A. He didn't apologize, B. Why did he even lay down when he knew I would already be at the show at 8:30? Why didn't he at least call at that point and say, "I'm exhausted, I have to lay down"? and C. Why did he not call or at least email at 1:30 instead of waiting until I had emailed and D. WHY DIDN'T HE SAY I'M SORRY???? MEN MEN MEN.... learn to say you are fucking sorry!!! Is it that difficult???? So, tonight I come in late to an email message that says "So are you going to stay mad forever?" How am I supposed to respond to that? A. Yes. B. Just until you apologize you selfish asshole. C. No. I'm just going to forget that we were ever friends, but mad? No I'm not mad. What will I respond? Nada. I'm going to go to bed and forget about it. And I've deleted it so I won't be reminded in the morning to respond. Let him stew. He's made me stew. He's made me wait. I DO NOT need him in my life, that is for sure. Hell, I haven't seen the man since June. Before that, January. It isn't like we were every fast constant friends. I have a husband. He's lost his girlfriend and thinks now we can resume the friendship we had before she moved in 16 months ago? Not without some cooperation bubba. That pisses me off. No answer to him.

Then, second. DD!!! I haven't seen him or heard from him in about two months. Not that big of a deal, we don't talk all that often. I emailed him a few weeks ago about something, don't remember what, no answer. I called him last week because one schedule I saw showed him playing in town. No response, not a big deal. I emailed him this week that my husband's bandleader had met a friend of his last week at a gig that I was at and I wish I had also met that friend. It was a piece of common ground. He actually DID email back tonight. But, weird, it was almost like the stock answers I give to listeners I don't know. The kind where I kindly say "thanks for the email and for listening..." It was almost like he didn't know who I was. That ALSO pisses me off. Okay, I am over him, I've known that since June, but we are still friends and he treats me like a generic fan? Weird.

And, my old boss came up a lot in conversation tonight. I haven't seen him since May 15. Yes, I know the exact moment and I'm still pissed off about his absence in my life, too. He, at least, has not blown me off in an email that pisses me off. In fact, his email address doesn't exist anymore. Someone tonight said that he is divorced. I didn't know that. I had heard rumors of separation, knew there was trouble there, but hadn't heard confirmation and I still haven't. It bothers me that others that don't really know him as well as I do know these important parts of his life before I do. Him, at least, I will give some breathing room. Tomorrow I may call him. I miss him so much. No crush there, no attraction, just a deep friendship that I miss. I haven't seen him since May, haven't had a great conversation with him in a million years.

Tonight I went drinking with a lot of the staff to celebrate a birthday of one of the saleswomen. One of my favorites. We had a great time. An old salesman that has been gone almost a year was there. I miss him. Lots of interesting conversations about the station and where it is going. One saleswoman actually was with the Weasel out of town and told him how much he is neglecting this station. Heard how much shit the promotions girl has taken from the sales manager and program manager, which I hate because she is so good for us and for what we do. All in all, it was pretty depressing and not uplifting at all. It was also depressing to be there and not be able to talk like I want to talk. I need to call the doctor about more botox, but I didn't do it today like I meant to. I hate not being able to just jump in. I hate the way I sound on the air. I hate the struggle to sound natural.

So, am I down tonight? You bet. Mark has left for Corpus so he is not here to vent to or feel isolated from (you never know how it is going to be with him). Maybe I'll unload to the group in the morning. All in all I'm pretty bummed about my various friendships that are floundering. I do have breakfast planned Friday morning with a girlfriend. I love her dearly and I suppose she might be my best friend at this point, which is sad, too, since we so rarely talk or see one another. I appreciate her persistence in getting us together.

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Older Entries
Book Club - Tuesday, Jan. 28, 2014
A Good Saturday Ahead - Saturday, Jan. 18, 2014
Back to Work - Monday, Jan. 06, 2014
The New Year Arrives - Wednesday, Jan. 01, 2014
Engaged - Monday, Dec. 30, 2013
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