Estoy Nueces

I wonder how many bars I would frequent at this stage in my life it weren't for my husband's occupation? I frequented plenty in my young single days but much of that was because of my roommate's boyfriend's occupation (again, a musician). Sometime, I should go back to the pre-wedding diaries and see how many bars I was in as compared to now. Of course, then I was there HUNTING A MAN and now I'm there for, what?, music, companionship, liquor? I'm not sure what sometime.

Tonight I went to two bars. Friends were to be at the Elephant Bar to see Freddie Jones of Dallas. I've never seen him but Mark had met him years ago. I got there early and enjoyed the music and a beer and waited on my friends. Freddie is a great musician and a very good flirt, as well. He was making eyes at me from the stage and came over at the break and said sweet things. He lives in the same town we lived in in the Metro-mess. My friends didn't show by 11 so I walked on down to Ego's to see Mark.

The odd thing about the two bars that I observed tonight. At the Elephant Room I was there alone and didn't know a soul in the place. I was pretty comfortable there. I wasn't there to be seen or to have friends or do anything but enjoy the music (at least until my friends did arrive). It was pretty easy to be there alone.

Down the block at Ego's I knew probably a dozen people by name, at least. And this dozen or so had met me on more than one occasion. Not one of the dozen said hello or nodded or acknowledged my presence. Some would say that I should be the one to go to them and make the first move but I've done that and I get tired of that. Tonight I just observed. Their cliques were happy and dancing and talking and having fun. Many of these consider themselves friends of Mark's but never recognize me unless I am by his side. It is a weird dichotomy to have acquaintances within a few feet and feel lonelier than all alone.

The bass player's ex-girlfriend came in tonight. She moved to Hawaii a year and a half ago and was back in town for some reason. I'll have to go back and fine the New Year's Eve entry for Y2K where she was such a bitch. I liked her fine when it was just her and me but you add in the boyfriend and it seemed she was put on this earth to make him suffer. A really really bad combo. It's over between them but they still own a house together which is practically as bad as sharing children.

I'm home semi-early for a gig night, but it was slim pickins for people to talk to (for me) and Mark was the gadabout and had a friend at every table. That's fine and I know that is how it works but I didn't see any reason to stay and pretend to be having fun when my mind was fading fast. Better to come home, have my say in the diary and go to bed.