May 07, 2003 10:14 am
Mark comes home tonight
I have really enjoyed the four weeks alone, except for being too busy and having too many responsibilities here at home with all the cats. I will also enjoy having him back. I have some trepidation because I find myself idealizing our relationship and expecting it to be that way when he gets home and then I stop myself short and think, no, it wasn't that way before he left, I don't think he is going to come home and we will magically begin trying new restaurants together, go to the greenbelt together more often, take roadtrips on the weekends, or go to see music together again. I don't want to get my hopes up and have them dashed.
I will do better at asking for what I want. Certainly I am going to give him time to decompress and readjust to life in Austin. But I am going to see if he wants to go eat Mexican food for lunch on Thursday (except for Cinco de Mayo, I think I've had Mexican food once in the last month!). And I am going to see if he wants to go see Willie on Friday night. If he says no to either, that is fine, but I would like to do those things with him and I will give him the opportunity.
My concerns are very minor compared to what my sister is going through right now. I encouraged her to become an online journaler and she did. She is a born entertainer and a funny writer and I knew she would enjoy that audience that she craves. She did. And she got loose enough at it that she vented some, in a playful way, about her husband. And she also vented, in a locked entry, and less playfully, about her husband. Her husband found it all on her computer. He has been furious, betrayed, humiliated, hurt, and silent for over a week now. He kept it to himself for quite a while and was going to wait until he could see his therapist tomorrow to discuss it with him first. Finally, he told her and won't listen to any of her explanations or understand that feeling are feelings and they can't be denied. She's apologized, cried, sulked, mourned, worried.... She's also quit writing, which is sad. I hope his therapist will help him deal with this tomorrow and help him understand that everyone needs an outlet, and, in the great scheme of things, wouldn't you rather have a wife bitch in an anonymous forum and get it out of her system rather than cry on the shoulder of a cute guitar player in a bar? Lord, how cliche is that?
I continue to be terribly busy (and awfully whiny about it all). I went to Cinco de Mayo Saturday night and enjoyed it more than I thought I would. Dropped off Pinky and Turbo to their new owner at the halfway point in Waco Sunday, visited my grandmother on the way back, drank coffee in the humidity at the lake Sunday afternoon with the journalers, gardened. Monday I was back out at Cinco de Mayo and hadn't realized when I dressed in the morning that I would be out there in the heat and humidity in these hot "office" clothes. Mercy, it was warm. Kevin Fowler put on a great show, as usual. Cory Morrow put on a good show, but he is getting on my nerves with some of his weird affectations. I've never been a huge fan of his performances anyway, but even less so now. I really like his backup singer Jessica Murray, but she is leaving to pursue her own career as a solo artist now.
Yesterday I did more errands related to Mark's return. Yesterday afternoon on the air a friend/listener called and offered to let me come see the Austin City Limits taping of Steve Winwood. That would have been so cool! I would have enjoyed it, but knew I had too much to do at home to be able to do it. So I, smartly, turned it down. Then another friend, photographer I've been with a lot over the last few weeks of events, called to invite me to drop by the cafe for a drink with him and his friends to celebrate his young wife's birthday. Okay, one drink wouldn't hurt. Well, one turned into three, he and I had a chance to talk where we usually are working so hard we don't get to, and I was out until 11 and then came home so tired I was useless.
So, all the errands and responsibilities have piled up on me once again. I've been to the store this morning for the staples that must be on hand for Mark--bagels, milk, half-and-half--and the apples I needed for his homecoming/anniversary pie (I should have made two, shouldn't I have?). I've got laundry going, I'm expecting flowers to be delivered soon, I need to go have his truck inspected and washed, and then off to work, not to be home again until I've picked him up late tonight.
Tonight is the music series night at the cafe. I hope somebody shows up out of habit. It isn't going to be the caliber of show we have had the last three weeks, that is for sure. It is an all-star band with four of my favorite performers, but the lead singer is pretty lame. We'll see. As tired as I am maybe I can crawl off to a dark corner and nap during the show.