Sunday, May. 27, 2018 12:49 pm
Restless and Distracted
Mark's on the road and will be back for a gig tonight and then home. I've enjoyed being alone. I am lazy at times, but I also have some good bursts of energy. I guess when he's home I can't have that sudden vacuum surge because it will "disturb" him (my feeling, not his... I COULD ask.).
I've been reading a lot about codependency today and trying to figure out my "deal." I can think of several instances of feeling "not enough" or ignored in Daddy's eyes. I can't really come up with times I felt really special or loved. Of course I want to defend him and blame myself.
Friday night I did a lot of lyric checking and was very very focused with the use of my latest toy and focus product. I wanted to try it again today to see if I focused better, but I can't if the site is down.
I do need to deposit some checks and look at our finances more closely. I was thinking today how angry and/or hurt I am that Mark is ruining my financial future and all my investing, but I think that I came into this relationship with a house so I think I should come out with a house. I'd be willing to let him take anything he wants in the house in order to keep the house.
Which reminds me I need to look at the bills again. I think there is a bill for house insurance due in June and they haven't split it up like they said they would.
I am still missing my ATM card. I kept hoping it would show up in my office as I cleaned, but it has not. I guess I'll have to get another one. I will never have cash if I don't find it!
Okay -- this was enough distraction for the moment. We'll see if it lasts the day.