2001-05-02 3:11 p.m.
If you've been reading for any time at all you know how much I love my job. This is the job I was designed for, this is a job like no other, this is the boss and facility and the building and the time and EVERYTHING that was made to fit me like any glove but O.J.s.
Yesterday we had a staff meeting that had me only slightly alarmed. I was afraid there might be some announcement that my boss was leaving or moving on. Instead, they let us know that we are all moving on. Our Austin facility has been shut down by the huge new company that bought us last fall and we will work through June and get a good severence package if we are good but our jobs are over. I cry for the loss of the job and the loss of the money but I mostly cry for the loss of this wonderful boss (who will probably move away) and my co-workers.
There will be jobs available for us in other cities. Even yesterday I was offered jobs in Baton Rouge and Jackson, but I am in Austin to stay and I said that two years ago when we moved here. This is our home for many many reasons and I will stay. There is also a job in Dallas I could return to easily, I'm sure, but I won't. We will make it work here.
I just took a Xanax that my sweet drug-dealer supplied. I don't feel like I'm worrying over this to a great degree but my body is not cooperating. My heart is tight, my stomach hurts. It feels like falling in love without any of the high that goes along with it. Anxiety. High anxiety.
I'm glad to see that Puppy is employed (if not working) and that gives me hope. I am grateful I am not a "dot commie" in search of work in this downsizing environment, but, then again, there are still more jobs available for dot commies than there are for disc jockies, especially since now there are 35 more of us looking for that one spot. Many of my co-workers will happily relocate to other cities. Austin has been just another temporary home and they don't worry about moving. Others, like me, have staked their claim here and intend to stay no matter what the job situation.
I do not have to remain in radio full-time. I would like to keep a hand in it part-time and continue to have a role in radio to some degree. Today I will make some tapes and get a resume together and see what the kind folks at some of the local stations might have available.
God, I hate job hunting. I was just thinking last week how wonderful it is to be comfortable in a job. No fear in coming to work, no fear in checking your e-mail, full confidence in your ability to do the job you are there to do. All shot to hell by a big company that doesn't see our worth.
Kramer warned about a crazy month in my Pisces horoscope but I had hoped he was hinting at, oh, I don't know, a hangnail or a bad haircut. Sure didn't see this coming.
I saw my wonderful acupuncture healer yesterday. She did a treatment called the Inner Dragon. In Chinese culture, the dragon represents your guide and your protector. This treatment is to awaken the dragon inside to guide you to where you need to be and protect you from harm as you get there. She said she had used it several times recently and had had patients call and tell her how well it had worked. Let's hope that it does its job as I search for my next one.