I sure wish I could understand what part of my psyche absolutely hates leaving my house. I need to go to Gonzales for our festival. I know I will enjoy it and have a good time when I am there. I will enjoy the music and visiting with people. I will work and be tired, but it will be a good tired. Why do I so dread having to spend the night and wish I knew for sure whether I would or wouldn't. I just hate this reluctance to set food outside the door. Is it the beginnings of a horrible state of agoraphobia in my future? Is it agoraphobia right now? I suppose it is, since phobia is not only the fear of something the feelings of anxiety at having to do something. Right now I would take a xanax if I could, but I'm driving so I will not. I just would prefer to stay here at my desk or cleaning the house all afternoon. Already the day feels shot because all I've really done is stress over this. No, I have worked two hours on typing, so I've worked and made some money and gotten back on track with that job. Just so many other things that need to be done, I feel like my personal life needs some attention (that is, if taxes and housecleaning are personal life.... I'm not talking pedicure and sleep, though I could use both of those, too). I will miss my kitties. they have been beside me all around the house today and Wilburt is up here on the desk right now and Nathan Jr. close by on the windowsill. These are precious guys and I hate to leave them at home. And I hate for Mark to come home to an empty house. He's gone to work and may even go out tonight, which is fine whether I'm here or not. I don't feel like I am neglecting him or the cats, I would rather just BE here than now.
Okay, I will pry myself from this chair and go. I will enjoy the drive and the music on the way, that I do know. I wish I didn't have to stop for gas.