2001-03-13 11 pm
I've found myself a new car. Mark and I looked at a car I'd seen on Lamar on Sunday, test drove it yesterday and made the deal and now I'm just getting the cash together to finalize it all. Should be by Friday. It is a 1996 Nissan Sentra. I've been driving a Honda Accord for the last 9 years (how could nine years go so quickly!!??) and this is a step down in luxury from that but certainly a step up in years and mileage. I'm glad we found a screamin' deal that I can afford without too much grief. We'll sell my car once we get this new one home and the debt will be reduced immediately.
Good things have been coming my way since my breakthrough Friday. I got a call from Time-Warner to voice a couple of TV spots for them so that's an easy $150. I'm hoping that since I have been available for her twice in emergency situations she will begin to call on me more often.
Went to see the counselor for the last (?) time today. Since I'm on an even keel we'll let it ride for a while. I would love to have intensive counseling and find the root of all my problems but I"m the cheapest person in the world and I'm not quite willing to spend that kind of money yet. It is apparent that I am not good at "asking for what I want" and I tend to not give validity to my emotions and lock them up inside. I've known that forever and so has my family. In fact, when my dad and Mark were discussing our marriage (which my father did NOT give his blessing to) he told Mark that I was like that. He told Mark that when he used to spank me and my sister my sister would wail and scream and cry and make a scene. When he would spank me I would bite my lip and never let out a sound. He warned Mark so I guess Mark knows. What I can't see is if it would really be a GOOD thing to NOT be that way. I've always been the kind that doesn't stir up trouble.
I've been re-reading some of my old diaries. It is amazing to me how beat down I was in my last job. I was there for 5 years at a radio network of huge stature in America. We won't name it but it's initials are ABC. Get it? My boss there was appalling. I knew he wasn't good, but like an abused wife you get used to it and figure that is as good as it is going to get. There wasn't a few days that go by in my diary but that I wrote that he said something critical and unnecessary or demeaning. It was very hard to work for him. You couldn't make him happy and I can count on my thumbs the number of times he praised me over those five years. But, when you work for ABC you don't complain because it is a great, safe job. I am so so SO SO SO SO happy to have the boss I have now. He can kid, he can joke but he never belittles and never makes you feel like you're job is in jeopardy. He praises often enough to make you feel good and he knows us each SO well on an individual basis. I have told him in the past that there would be times I would come in and ask for praise. I'm thinking that time is coming soon. He recently told another co-worker that I was an "awesome air talent" and that has held me for a little while.