Estoy Nueces

I've had a crappy day. I guess I feel a little better about my revelation to my friend about his ex. I called him this morning and got no answer. I called him after noon and got no answer. I was getting a little panicky. In group, my counselor said that my only culpability would be if I did not call 9-1-1 if I truly thought he might hurt himself. I hated that thought. So I called and got no answer and then went in search of his apartment.

He lives above a bar on Sixth. I have picked him up in front of it before, but didn't really know where the front door was. I circled the blocks for a few times narrowing it down and finally parked and found the door. It was locked. I buzzed and buzzed and he finally answered in a dopey "I just took a whole bottle of vicodin" kind of way. I made him let me in. He was fine. He was sleepy, but he was in much better shape than when I left him last night. We had a good talk and I told him how bad I was feeling him for telling. He said he was glad I told him because otherwise he didn't know when he would have heard and if he had heard from anyone other than me, he wouldn't have believed them. It was nice (I suppose?) to be trusted. I made it very clear to him how important he is in my world and how a whole would be left it he weren't there. I think he'll be okay.

I had a totally depressing afternoon. My voice is just not coming along like I had hoped it would. I don't have to struggle to talk, which is fabulous, but after 27 years of controlling my tones, I have no control now and my pitch is still super-high and weird. Today I had six calls saying "What's wrong with your voice" to "You sound HORRIBLE!" Yes, that's nice to hear. Do people not think about what they say? Apparently not.

I texted with my friend CGP and he lifted my spirits somewhat. I don't know why he and I don't email anymore. Correct that... I don't know why HE doesn't email anymore. I checked by text today to make sure it was okay for me to email and he said sure. I wonder if his girlfriend has a problem with our friendship. If she does, I perfectly understand and I won't email if he asks me not to. But I wish he would email back, I miss him.

I'm glad this week is about over. I worked late tonight to try to, once again, catch up. I don't know how I am going to add that Texas show to my duties. I am overwhelmed most of the time as it is. I got a little pissy in the studio today and "cleaned up" a bunch of the other guys' crap. I didn't throw it away, I just boxed it... and hid it. We'll see if they even notice. I may take cleaning products with me tomorrow and do a number on the studio. I hate working in filth. The cleaning crew doesn't dust because of the equipment and it needs a thorough going over and the coffee and spit stains on the carpet and coffee and coke rings on the counters could all stand some help. Maybe I need to investigate other jobs in the real world. I can't talk, I don't like my co-workers (well, just some) and I don't like my work environment. Maybe it is time.

Or maybe it is just all this wine I'm drinking tonight.