Estoy Nueces

I'm unhappy with myself tonight. I wanted to go to see Slaid Cleaves at the Cactus Cafe. I have never been to the Cactus Cafe so it took me a while to even find the area it was in on the U.T. campus. Then when I found it I couldn't find any parking. I didn't know the area enough to know where I could walk safely later in the night to get back to my car so I chickened out and came home. I really want to see him one of these days and I'm mad at myself. I should have planned ahead and taken a taxi or scouted the area or something.

I've had the weepiest angriest day. Hope it is just hormonal or something. Bad things upset me, good things upset me. My greatest boss in the world passed along a compliment and I almost cried and he tells me how I'm going to make some more money on the job and I almost cried. Sure a good thing I didn't get any bad news!

I cleaned out some boxes of photos tonight and threw away a ton of old videos. Do I really need a tape of the 1991 Academey Awards? I haven't watched in the last nine years, I think it is pretty safe to say I won't be watching it in the next nine.

Maybe this was why I was weepy today. I was angry at my family! I e-mailed my sister last night and said that I was going to talk to my parents today and if they hadn't gotten any pathology results on Dad's spleen by this morning then I was going to call the doctor's office myself and get some answers! We were supposed to know by the middle of last week and here we were a week later with no answers. My sister called sheepishly this morning to apologize. She had talked to the doctor last Wednesday and found out that the pathology report was all clear and there was no malignancy or tumor. My family just let it slip up and didn't tell me. I really took it better than I have in the past when my family has conveniently forgotten to let me in on details. I guess I'm most grateful that Dad is fine.

In my cleaning frenzy I threw away a big box of rough drafts of my first novel. I've always expected that I would have had it published by now and be famous and students and scholars all over the literary world would want to study the process that brought out this great novel. Tonight I said, Ah, f*** it, it ain't getting published as long it is as crappy as it is so why hang on to all this other stuff. Time to start a new novel anyway.

I did not throw away lots and lots of wonderful letters. I'm glad I have them. I love e-mail but it is a shame that there won't be so many wonderful handwritten letters safely tucked away in cedar chests. I found handwritten letters from my dearest Aunt Det and the lots of typed family letters. My family always has sent "family" letters and all sisters (my mother's sisters) get a copy. Now even they are all e-mailers. It's sure fun to get the e-mails that fly back and forth with a dozen of us adding our quips along the way but those exchanges are ephemeral and lost.