Estoy Nueces

Here we are on the first day of summer and I guess another six weeks of isolation has passed. I am not being very faithful to this journal, but I'm on my second volume of my handwritten COVID journal and I still have my daily diary, too, so there is plenty documenting my time and lack of activity.

I'm still thoroughly unmotivated. Though the house is clean and I am enjoying it being clean which makes it a little easier to keep it clean. That's good to know. Don't know if it will translate well when I'm not home all the time.

If that happens..... I keep thinking about "going back to work" but it is obvious if and when I "go back to work" I will be working from home for a long time. I am currently on a 3-month furlough that ends next week. But I hear through the grapevine that it possibly will be extended and there is still a possibility of going back to work in a month. Maybe.

I would love it if I could apply for a couple of jobs online and get an interview and get a confidence boost and then a big job offer for a great job to do from home with wonderful benefits. But I don't find any jobs online that have anything I can do in them (or at least nothing I can PROVE that I can do).

But, ultimately, if I could just have the good job back that I had and manage to keep it for another six or ten years, I would be very very happy.

When this COVID stuff ends I really do need to get serious about finding a roommate, but it has just about been 2 years of living here alone and I've made all the payments without borrowing from anyone so I think I've done well. But I sure would like to be able to save more and get ahead a little further. I LIKE having money in the bank and in my investments.

Haven't seen my mom or sister (or anyone else in the family) for 13 weeks. I will be ready to see them again soon. I see my sister on video calls, at least, but only talk on the phone with mother. She is in good spirits and healthy and at least there is no drama or fears there with her. She's chipper and loves being alone in her room. She forgets there is a virus keeping her there more than any other reason. She is just happy that she is left alone.

Me, too.

I did see my neighbor the tree guy yesterday and allowed him into the house. Seems like he may only be the second person to enter the house in the last 3 months (the maid being the other). I met him last month when he cut down a tree that fell on the house and we talked about handyman projects he could do for me. He came over to help hang pictures up high on the walls for me (for free, as a friend/neighbor thing). But he didn't have his ladder and he was exhausted so we put it off until maybe Sunday. But I'm bummed that he isn't intelligent. He really got me interested and there was definitely a spark on the first meeting. But when I stepped back to keep my distance from him and there was a reference to COVID he commented that it was all because of the 5G waves and more would be coming in September..... conspiracy rot. I'll get a better feel for his mental balance on Sunday, I guess, but so far I can't imagine frequent get-togethers if he can't understand science and facts and basic health. Sigh.

My sweet new cat Moon Pie is still not adjusting well. I don't blame her when her brother Slippers made her BLEED a week or so ago. I'm trying to keep them completely separate or I'm close by with a squirt bottle of water to protect her. I hate to startle or hurt poor Slippers because I think he wants to be friends, he just doesn't know how it is done. I'm not convinced Moon Pie ever pees and I'm being super cautious so she doesn't do it on my carpet or clothes or furniture or in the house, period. She just doesn't move anywhere freely on her own. She will sleep with me on the bed but refuse to get off the bed even after 12-15 hours! I have to pick her up and transport her somewhere else.

Today is the first day of summer and I'd like to rededicate myself to projects or goals or a clean house or SOMETHING but I just feel like I have no mojo for such things right now. I guess I could go back to some basic goal setting 101, but what's the point. Sure I can write down my ambition to write another Cunningham book, but then I don't even make a small effort to DO it. Okay, just writing that paragraph does motivate me a little bit so maybe if I did write it out and set some steps I'd get further. I will give that some thought today.

I'll drop a bit of the political in here just for my future reference. The election is 4 months and a couple of weeks away. SO CLOSE yet still so distant. Biden is the Democratic nominee, but very little news about him since there are no rallies and newsworthy events for him. Meanwhile, the idiot president has his first big rally tonight in Tulsa and already they know that 6 of his staffers in Tulsa have COVID. That's the big worry that the virus is running rampant in that city/state and that large of a crowd shouting and talking and not wearing masks is going to mushroom into a disaster for their hospitals and city. He doesn't appear to care. There have also been racial tensions after the weeks of protests for Black Lives Matter over George Floyd's death in Minneapolis and yesterday being Juneteenth. It is like a powder keg up there and I'm glad I don't live there.

My hand is not back to normal. Lots of numbness continues in the thumb. Almost burned it yesterday because I wasn't having the feeling I should have. It's very hard to do fine adjustments with that thumb because it isn't feeling. But I'm not going to go to a hand specialist yet. I just got another big bill from the hospital surgeon so it has cost me lots of that stimulus money.