Thursday, Jun. 07, 2018 9:23 pm
We had our mediation with Super D today. It went very well and was pleasant. He is a good listener and let us talk and get things out and guided us on where we need to go. We have homework we need to accomplish. I don't know when we'll do that but we will.
Mark's gone to "make a couple of phone calls" and eat dinner. He may be calling on a couple of houses for rent, but likely he is calling her. He may also be calling family if he is on the ball. He has to tell all of them by this weekend.
I was uneasy/nervous/fraught this morning at work getting ready for this. I was working on the BBQ joints new musical direction. I know what they want, but the songs they wanted include bitch, and shit-eating, and ass. They also wanted everything to be 120+ bpms and they had slow songs all over their list. I sent him a letter asking for some margins and direction before I go further. This is why an amateur cannot handle a professional's job. Oh -- one song mentioned a girl's period -- for use in a restaurant? No, I don't think so.
I so need to get serious and get some hours on lyric checking, but I don't think I'm going to. I am just completely unmotivated.
I'm not sad or despondent and that is a good thing. I'm drinking because I'm anxious. I don't know why I'm anxious. I just don't feel "in my own skin" right now.
In the meeting Mark said he didn't want his life controlled and didn't want anyone to tell him who his friends could be. I am stepping back and letting him take care of what he needs to take care of. I will turn off his medical access the day of the divorce and it is up to him to control the important things in his life.
I almost wish he and LD would move into together immediately or soon. I think that would let the world know what's gone on. Tomorrow night I will tell "the girls" about this divorce process being in play. Otherwise, I'm not going to spread it too much. I should make a list of a few friends I'd like to call and tell them in person. That just made me think of Jane and made me sad. I really do miss her ever present friendship. When it is gone, it is gone.