Wednesday, Jul. 16, 2008 10:56 am

Bob's Funeral and Mom's visit

I don't know why I write down dreams here. When I go back and reread them years later, they mean nothing (but I sometimes do still remember them, just not the details). But, on the other hand, I forget the details so fast and sometimes I just want to remember it later the same day and so many details have slipped away.

This morning I woke up dreaming about Mark and I being in a hotel. We were in bed and my old friend Carolyn was in the other bed asleep. We were fooling around and I realized that there were other people in the room. I could hear dishes and such, like room service. I peeked out and there were about 8 people setting up a cheese and fruit tray and taking their sweet time. I knew we had had a big tray like that when we arrived and this was the day we were leaving. So Mark and I are still under the covers, waiting for them to go. He asked me what I like doing the most (sort of leading to what would I do to make a living if I could type questions) and I said "writing in my blog" was the number one thing and then "genealogy." Eventually these people were just sitting around and having conversation so I needed to go to the bathroom so I got up and went. The bathroom was big and junky and my sewing machine was sitting out and there were scraps and things everywhere. I had to move stuff to get to the toilet and then I remembered/realized that there was no toilet, only a sort of camp stool with a sack, so a very primitive toilet. I was still going to use it when I realized that it didn't have the sack so I couldn't. I started to leave the bathroom and realized there was a big bathtub behind a screen and there was someone in it taking a bath and trying to remain quiet. So I ignored them, letting them think I didn't know they were there and went back to bed.

Also in the dream, but separate. I had to take care of two shows on the same night, both at the cafe and in San Antonio, but they were close by one another. I didn't get there until about 6 pm and there was no sound system set up at either place. I called on my cell to Jenn and got no answer and then I called Andrew and got no answer and then maybe I called someone else or Jenn called back and they were both really sick and maybe they had sent someone else but they were late, obviously. So I'm trying to find the bands to tell them we are running late and San Antonio was giving me the hardest time since I don't do that series and I didn't know who was supposed to open and who was the headliner. They were both unknowns to me. I tried to get one of them to just open as a solo acoustic and that didn't set well and then one of them thought they were supposed to play 9 to 2 and I was explaining that they would only play 8 to 10. It was very confusing. I wasn't necessarily flummoxed by the disorganization, but I wasn't particularly solving anything either.

Otherwise, speaking of me wanting to make a living by writing, I heard from the one magazine I write for and they asked me to write about tonight's show at the cafe. And they asked if I could continue to write about all the shows coming up there. They said they liked the way I write! That's so cool. I answered and said I hadn't had a check from the invoice I sent them, when would that be in the mail? I want to be paid for my writing, too! With her request today I'll get another $100 or so a month for 3 months. Every little bit helps, and helps me get better at what I'm doing, too.

I want to study articles about concerts and bands and music things, so I can get a better idea of what good music writing is and what is not. I also want to start reading the writing magazines (online) again, too. I need to get back in that frame of mind that I AM a WRITER first and foremost.

My mother has been here a week and a couple of days, her longest visit ever and we really wouldn't have minded if she had stayed another week. I felt a little obligated sometimes to be "with" her, even if she was watching TV and working a puzzle. I'm sure she didn't care one way or the other and would have preferred that I be in here on the computer if that's where I wanted to be, but I still felt that niggling guilt. But she is a perfect guest and she slept late, she went to bed early, she put away dishes, she loved on the kitty cats. At this stage in her life, I truly wouldn't mind her living with us. But, of course, this is also the stage in her life where she is capable and able and likes living alone. It will be when she needs more care and attention that I probably won't want to take care of her.

We went through lots of interesting papers from the file cabinet. They are still all over the living room and I need to sort through them and do something with them. She left the notebook that I didn't know if she would let me read. She has always kept diaries, but this was a diary separate from her "real" one where she did her "screaming" about taking care of her elderly parents when they lived with Mom and Dad, in a trailer in the backyard. It was a horrible time for them all and my parents aged ten years.

Today it is back to work. M&M is in Illinois and I suppose "the girl" is at the office right now. What shall I name her? I think Bug, because it is on her license plate and that is what she does to me. I haven't been able to pin down WHY she bugs me so. I can say that I'm jealous because she is young and cute and ambitious, but I think I am more bothered by her lisp (I am so prejudiced against people with speech impediments!) and her know-it-all attitude. She is just certain that she is smarter than us all. She mentions that her mother is a doctor about every day. She knows more about computers than our IT guys. She knows more about the musical tastes in all the towns than M&M does (or, me, of course). And she sometimes asks the stupidest question. One day she's copying contacts into the computer: What is the Nanci Fli Agency? I say, well, it is an agency owned by Nanci Fli. Duh?

Wow--- I'm writing a lot today and it feels good. I'm not too hemmed in by time and I love that feeling.

Mother and I went up for Bobby's funeral yesterday. I'm so glad we could be there. I only wish Bobby could have been there to enjoy the attention. She was a very loving person. I loved how the preacher described her as a very forthright person, too. If Bobby thought something, she let you know it. That was for sure. I want to go back into my genealogy and see if I did, in fact, transcribe a conversation with her I had once about her growing up years, which were so poor and difficult. I hope I transcribed it because I recorded it on a phone answering machine tape and who knows where you could get a machine to play it back now!?

I will miss Bobby at the reunion. No matter who else wasn't there from our family (namely: EVERYONE), I always knew Bob and her husband would be there for some of it, even when she was least able. Two years ago was so special when her new great-grandchild Susan was the youngest baby of the reunion at 2 weeks old. Bob was so proud. And again last year. Susan and her parents and uncle and grandparents will all be at the reunion. I hope Bob's husband can be there, too, because he was at 62 of them (at least) as her husband. They are about the only family I have at this reunion (well, except that everyone there is family, but distant). The one other cousin that usually makes it is very odd and I just can't take a whole day visiting with him. He has no sense of fun.

I went through the big box of pictures that Bob gave me a while back. I know I have scanned most of them, but some seemed unfamiliar so I need to scan them and sharpen them up if I can and then print everyone of them and put them on display at the reunion. I don't know if I'll have time for something like that or not. I have so many projects for the reunion that always come to mind with three weeks to go. I'll be lucky if I get a room reservation and a pie baked.

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Older Entries
Book Club - Tuesday, Jan. 28, 2014
A Good Saturday Ahead - Saturday, Jan. 18, 2014
Back to Work - Monday, Jan. 06, 2014
The New Year Arrives - Wednesday, Jan. 01, 2014
Engaged - Monday, Dec. 30, 2013
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