I spent a while on New Year's Eve re-reading some of the entries of this diary as we entered into 2002. I had high hopes and a gasping wish that 2002 would be better than 2001. I believe I somehow felt it was OWED to me by the great universe and powers twirling it with their giant fingers that 2002 would be an improvement. Also, naively, I thought, "How could it be any worse?" Worse certainly is a relative term. After a year with a layoff and the scattering of friends to the four winds and various radio frequencies around the country, there was only one way to go. Right?

2002 sucked. I think on some level I'm glad it sucked. 2001 sucked for everybody. Everyone suffered, emotionally if not financially. With 2002 I had my own year to bitch and moan and complain about ME ME ME! And, boy, after getting fired in January, I had plenty of opportunity. Job on top of job on top of job, I worked my ass off in 2002 trying to keep it all together and meet obligations and keep food in the refrigerator and keep the credit card companies at bay.

Sure, optimisitically, I can look back on 2002 and find all the good things, but after reading my optimism at the end of 2001 and seeing the reality that 2002 was, in fact, worse on some levels, it scares me about 2003. I know that it truly could be worse than 2001 and 2002 and really send me down the tubes of depression. But, again, I'm an optimist and I know that I am currently in a job a adore, a big change from last New Year's Day, I'm getting plenty of sleep, a big plus when it comes to functioning in this world, and the hubby and I are on the happy side of our relationship scale.

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New Year's Eve was a fun night at the Saxon Pub. My preference for a New Year's Eve would be to be home, maybe with a friend or two, and enjoy some good food and conversation. I may have last had one of those kind of nights back in the 1980s. The Saxon was better than driving to Dallas in the cold and the wet to be with hoity-toity people trying to show off their money and to be with a feuding couple (see New Year's 2000), but it was a long day and I wasn't much in a go-nuts-and-party kind of mood. I enjoyed the music from W.C.Clark and from Mark's band and, this was a nice switch, I actually got to kiss my husband on New Year's Eve at midnight. I don't remember when the last New Year's Eve I got to do that.

New Year's Day was such a beautiful day. I slept as late as I could to make up for the late night, but that wasn't very fruitful. Watched some Cotton Bowl and made sure UT won, went to eat Thai food, but they were closed so we settled on Mexican at Habanero's. I haven't eaten there in a long time, so it was a nice change. On to the mall, a trip we almost never make. It was kind of nice to wander around without the pressure of gift-shopping. We found lots of fun things to look at, but only a couple of things we needed to buy. Mark bought a neat dop kit for his European trip and I got a black turtleneck to go with all the other black clothes in my closet.

Today starts the real year. Therapy, lunch with Perfect C who is back from California with a new beau, and she is head over heels, according to her e-mails, and back to work. I'm feeling anxiety about work already this morning. So much to do and I can't seem to get over that hump that will make it all fall into place a little more easily. I will give it my best this week and into next week and HOPE again that things ease off a little and I'm not staying at work until 10 p.m. each night. It really isn't a matter of work overload. It would be hard to explain to anyone why I am there so late each night. I suppose a lot of it is a bit of perfectionism, I don't want anything to slip by that will make me look less than wonderful in this job.

Resolutions? Yes, I need to work on that a bit this week, but I'm back on that ever speed-increasing treadmill of life.