Estoy Nueces

Funny how I can look at the clock and see that it is 1030 and I am through with my computing and emails and I think "Wow, so much time until I need to leave for work. I'll have time to kill. I'll have to find something to do." Then, before I can turn around, it is 1130 and I'm feeling pressured to leave for work.

I'm feeling pressured about a lot of things and that is just stupid. I don't want to go back on anxiety drugs, but I may have to find something (yoga?). I got an email from the company that I had the seminar with a couple of weeks ago. They have had a conference phone call last week that I didn't participate in because I got swamped at work. Another is today. They email last night sort of to see why I didn't participate and if I plan to participate. It just made me feel pressured! Plus, they haven't sent the "instructions" on how to get in on the conference call again so I couldn't get in today if I tried. I couldn't find the old email. I think everyone thinks that their emails stand out and get noticed. They don't.

I did get my bonus on my paycheck today and that is a nice feeling to have that money in the bank. It will be in there a day or two until all the payments go out as scheduled. At least there is enough to pay the mortgage early, for a change, and to pay the insurance bill. Still... I feel pressure.

Billy Joel said it best "Under PRESSURE..." I ought to go download that. Again, feeling pressure from myself to go download. And I don't even like that song.

I talked to my mother this morning. They had to change phone numbers because they dropped their metro line to just have a local line. She complained and complained about their computer and the new cable connection. They are just not getting it right now. It is frustrating for me on this end that they aren't getting it. I know it is frustrating for them, too, but they were having troubles before, too, and they now act like all was peachy on their previous connections. sigh. They are getting old.

I did have a nice email exchange with my dearest friend B! last night. Her boyfriend has been kind of a dick since the first of the year and she has only talked to him once. He is "making up his mind" about their relationship and deciding whether he wants to be with her or not. I hate when guys do that shit. Especially since she's going to get to the point where she says, Screw you, time's up. She emailed a thank you for my Valentine and said that she was glad that I know my feelings for her. And she was glad that I emailed that if/when they are happy in love again I will be happy for her. I know that feeling where you are hesitant to tell someone about a problem because then they might hold it against your sweetheart later. I haven't met him, so I really can't judge him. I just know how great she is and he'd better grab it while he can!

I'm also feeling the pressure of the taxes. I hate that Mark just takes it for granted that I will take care of it all. I don't know how to take care of it all. I guess I need to take my own advice of "When you don't know how to do something... start."