Estoy Nueces

I cannot get myself up to get going. I need to call M&M and tell her that I came back to town last night. Or not. I could just stay home and do more typing and Christmas letters and just "be" a little. That would stop some of the anxiety of working with her and hearing about Paris and the ex-boyfriend's house et al. I could stay here in my cozy abode all day, just curled up, binging on fruitcake and coffee.

I did come back last night. I spent the day at Mother's. I bought her a new lamp at Walmart for her bedside and changed the batteries in her clocks. She was doing fine on her own and taking her own shower and rolling her hair and watching TV. The place was bringing her dinner that evening (she called to arrange that) and she was set. I think she'll be walking to the dining room soon. She will get a little bored, I think, and want to tell her tale to the other residents.

Today is Judy's birthday and deathday and that makes me so sad. I have her pictures in here and I see them and she just seems to be smiling and taking to me. She is missed so much. I feel like there was so much more time we should have had to get to know each other even better.

I saw my nephew briefly on the drive home last night. We met at Sonic for a cold meal in the car for 20 minutes. I got delayed by ice in Dallas and he had a meeting at 730 so we didn't have any time at all, but I was glad to see him. I hope he gets to go home for Christmas soon. All of the residents of his wing are gone, but the school is making him stay.

I wish the economy would boom. I wish there would be great job offers for me. I am stymied in my motivation and energy and working for M&M just petrifies me. She is just so nutso, I don't know how she keeps the business going. One of my new year's resolutions is to quit judging and criticizing and "making proclamations." I don't think I do the proclamations as much as others I know, but if I do, I want to quit. But, I keep going through my thoughts and I think she is just silly for flying off to Paris for Christmas. I don't know if she is going to be alone or not. It appears that she is. That seems just sad to me, but I can stay home all day and all night happily and that drives her crazy. She has to be out and about and with people and "doing." She gave me 16000 to deposit last week and said, "We have to make this last, there is no income coming in." Then she paid her $10000 AmEx bill for one month. How does a person possibly spend $10,000 in a month?? She went to Chicago and ate out a lot and rented a car and had a flight or two, but $10,000? Even if I bought a houseful of furniture along with traveling, I don't think I could spend that much in a month. And she claims to be cutting back. On top of that is painting the boyfriend's (oh, sorry, ex-boyfriend) house. Why in the world did she like she needed to do that for him? Why does she continue that whole relationship while she has the new one going on? I don't get that. I think the old boyfriend is the best match for her and they are perfectly comfortable together, and maybe that is what she thinks, too, and doesn't want to let that relationship go, but I sure would. He's moved on (he was with another woman when he had his DUI, yet called M&M to help get him out of jail, I think).

I'm glad I missed drinks with M&M and various other previous employees she had both last week and last night. I don't mind a quiet drink with her, but I don't enjoy all of the others that much. Some in small doses are okay.

Okay, I'm going to go call her and see if she is even going to work today. If she isn't, I just might stay home, although I still need the hours and the income. Sigh. I miss being paid for my charm and personality.