Estoy Nueces

I wish I could get over the constant feelings of anxiety. Even now, with nothing on tap for today and no obligation, no worries, I feel an "itching" and fear that I need to be doing something other than what I am doing. I may ask my doctor for anti-anxiety meds again, but I gained so much weight last time (that I really can't afford to gain this time) that I don't want to do that. I have kept up my walking some this week. I think I walked 3 times. One day 30 minutes in the neighborhood (up to the pool and back) and one day just around the block, so maybe 12 minutes, and yesterday I stopped in the South Congress/South First neighborhood and walked and looked at cute little houses for almost 30 minutes. I'll try to walk today and tomorrow and hope that helps. The weather is ideal right now and may rain later today.

I am more sad this weekend than I was last weekend with the death of Danny Roy Young. What a dear, fun, interesting, man. He was such a joy to see anytime and it is hard to believe that he won't be around the next time I'm out. I will go to his services on Tuesday afternoon and a reception after.

Les is also sick still. He went to a rehab place yesterday. I don't know how long that will be, but I suppose at least a week to get his strength back and then go home. I am feeling tons of guilt over him being sick. I called Mark's mom to see how things were going one day this week. She said "we need to see you both face to face" and laid on the guilt. Then a letter said she wished we were there to help arrange for the hospital bed. I can't go do those things without making Mark look bad. He doesn't want to go because of his whole long relationship with her. He doesn't think about it and I end up with the guilt.

Today is M&M's birthday. Frenchy and I are taking her to dinner on Monday night at a fancy Italian place. I hope it doesn't cost me an arm and a leg. But I'm sure it will. But I owe her a lot so I'm happy to do it. I guess I'm just not so happy to have to buy my own meal in a fancy place. Oh well...

I'm wondering where the money is going. We have this other income stream helping out for 12 weeks and I wanted it to help us get ahead and get things paid off and get savings again, but it seems like we are barely squeaking by even with it. I need to study it some today. Maybe I'm forgetting some other income.

METV shut its doors yesterday and laid off people. It is still on the air, but who knows what is next.

I did get $100 for critiquing an album and Mark helped, too. It really was fun to listen that closely for what is actually wrong, not just to generally say "not good." There was a lot about it that was good, too. Of course, then I had to talk to the artist and producer both on the phone yesterday, too, about the results. They weren't defensive and seemed to appreciate the comments, so maybe I can take on some more clients.

Mark is off at a gig and I do have a long list of things I want to do today. I must cook some more banana bread and Special K cookies for the boys for when I see them tomorrow. And wrap presents and go buy a card. And on and on.