Estoy Nueces

More anxiety today, too. And more pain around my heart. Not real true physical pain, just an ache? I don't know what to make of it. I took some of the new Lance Armstrong energy stuff before I went to work and I do think it helped stave off the tiredness and hunger without making me buzz or be hyper.

More anxiety because M&M is juggling all these bookings and I think everyone is going to feel like they worked to get something and then she pulled the rug out from under them. The ONE artist that said yes and has committed is the one she wants to dump is she can get someone better. augh. And even more were added to the mix today.

At one point today I thought, What do I care? I can just walk away this evening and just leave things as they are. Which is practically what I ended up doing. Things will resolve Monday. As I look at my list of "Concerns" from last week, they did resolve and nobody died, so why do I sweat the small stuff for $15 an hour when she isn't sweating any of it.

I am home and safe and comfortable now. I've been doing some research on the family, but I need to change focus. Or get focused maybe. I would like to go mow the lawn and get that DONE for the weekend. I could also throw the sheets in the washer at the same time and knock out two big chores. Mark just left for a gig in San Antonio.

I'm back to a little bit of my neediness/yearniness I've experienced in the past. Eager for emails, eager to daydream, sort of off track. But I will get some things done this weekend and be prepared for the reunion (a little anyway) and I will get over it.

I did get some of the things done last night and this morning that I needed to do and sent invoices to two places for the work. Made a nice deposit at the bank today, too, and that was satisfying. I need to go see what I can pay with that money. I must set aside a bunch for taxes.

And I did look it up to see how anxious I was last year. Trouble was, I was really SICK last year. First I was sunburned badly on my first kayaking trip and then I got allergies or infection or sinusitis. Mark, too. Last year was the year that I ran up to the reunion and back in one day and didn't stay for the breakfast. Missing out on the breakfast is like sex without the orgasm. I don't know why that was the first analogy I could think of, but it is definitely a great great GREAT part of the reunion.

Today is August 1. I need a goal for the month. Maybe I can think on that while I mow.