April 17, 2002 12:33 am

Johnny

I'm sure it has something to do with Mark having been gone for almost a whole week now, but I have had about six different crushes on men in the past three days. The most recent were Jerry Reed and Johnny Cash. I am reliving my youth watching the Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour on CMT. Just stumbled across it tonight and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I guess it is the equivalent how my grandmother always loved watching the old repeats of the Lawrence Welk show.

Tonight's Glen Campbell show was from 1970. That was about the time I fell in love with Johnny Cash. Sure, I had my David Cassidy and Bobby Sherman posters on the walls, but Johnny and June were on the wall, too. I didn't really want June but that was the picture that was in Tiger Beat or Sixteen (isn't it weird to think of a teeny-bopper magazine even having a picture of someone like Johnny Cash?). A Boy Named Sue was being played on the pop radio station. I can't believe I can't remember that station's call letters anymore---we lived in Colorado Springs and that was when I really began paying attention to radio. I loved that song and couldn't wait until the Johnny Cash TV show came on the air. I remember having it marked on the calendar and waiting patiently. I never missed it and I thrilled to my pre-pubescent soul when he said, "Hello, I'm Johnny Cash."

At some point in this adventure the family went to Target one night. I must have been actively campaigning for a Johnny Cash record but I remember the feeling when we were walking through the store with not only Live at San Quentin but also Folsom Prison. Mom didn't seem to be hiding them from me so it wasn't like she was going to make me wait for Christmas or a birthday. I couldn't believe my luck.

I almost put a needle through those two albums and sang along at the top of my lungs. It amuses me now to listen to them and hear what I was singing back then, with my parents' blessing. Picture a sweet little cotton-headed 10-year-old singing "Took a shot of cocaine and I shot that bad bitch down..."

Watching Johnny Cash now, I still see what I saw then. Handsome and brooding, deep and dark, very dark. I took a lot of flack from my Donny Osmond-loving friends back then. They barely tolerated my attraction to country music. Looking back, I can see how much that has formed me to the music lover that I am now. I still don't like the pretty-boy Top 40 sound, I want the deep and the dark with meaning.

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