Sunday, Apr. 22, 2018 1:34 pm
I Can't Think Up Titles Anymore
Our 25th wedding anniversary is coming up Tuesday. I am going to take the day off. We are going to at least go to a meal together. I don't know if we'll do anything particularly lovey, but we are going to spend some time together.
We spent yesterday together and went to F'burg to see my distant cousin play in an Elton John tribute band. I hadn't seen this cousin in 50 years so it was fun to see him again. He was one of the really cool cousins that we didn't get to see very often. It was a pleasant lunch, drive, show, drive home. But it was never playful or fun or laughing. I felt tense and on guard the whole day.
Now today (my tit for tat) is that he's out with her helping her move a piano and set it up at someone else's house and probably go to lunch and then go to her gig and then talk and talk and talk because they still cannot get enough of each other. I just don't get that. He's certainly had enough of me.
So even though we are getting along moderately well right now, it is still two very parallel existences, not intertwined or together in any way. No helping, loving, sharing, talking. Just sharing a house and finances. I buy his groceries. He makes my coffee. Is that a way to live a life? But I don't know how to really change it. Or I do, but I just don't want to. Which, according to my last entry, is okay, I can just let it be.
Since I wrote last one of my dear friends had a stroke. I was with him as he's suffering in the parking lot and went with him to the hospital to sit with his mother while his brain is getting a hole drilled into it. It's been about 18 days and he's not in great shape. He has a long long way to go. I feel so sorry for him. He's not in his right mind externally -- don't know what is going on deep inside. He's going to be moved to Dallas for more therapy and rehab and recovery. I can't imagine what it would be like to suddenly be so separated from your whole world ... your pets, your friends, your work, your home, your family. So thank your lucky stars you have yours. I'm trying to do that a lot. And accept what is.