Estoy Nueces

Tonight was the first night of our free Texas music series. It went very very well. I'm glad we have it under our belt. We added a live broadcast to it this year. We are broadcasting the first hour of the show on the radio. Tonight, our first guest was Kevin Fowler. He did a tremendous job, as usual, and worked hard to make that crowd ecstaticly (that looks so wrong) happy. I did the intro and breaks during the broadcast and then outroed the radio show and the finally the whole show. It was great. My boss sat out in his car and listened to the broadcast and said it sounded great. There was lots of "Pecan love" being spread around and I appreciated it. Nice ego boost to last me for a few days.

Mark's been gone a whole week tonight and I am still enjoying myself--maybe too much? Had ice cream with Kramer Monday, e-mailed with CGP for two hours last night, CGP came to the gig tonight and we got to visit. There is definitely a pattern here that my therapist pointed out to me. Can you see the pattern? I'll leave it out there. No, it isn't the path to infidelity and divorce, that's not going to happen. I am also appreciating Mark more and more as he is gone. I miss his great listening ear, comforting advice, help around the house and especially with the kitties, and his help in EVERYTHING I do. I know the animals are really missing him and his attention and presence.

The kitties are unbelievably precious. They are also quite precocious. During my marathon e-mailing last night I smelled a quite horrible smell. I went in search of it and found that the kitties have decided that behind my computer, amongst all the wiring, is a good place for a substitute litter box. Ick. Nothing like six little miniature piles of cat turds to make you long for a cat-free house.

Tonight I corralled the kitties in the bathtub so numero uno gato, Nathan Jr., could sup in peace and quiet. Within minutes three of them had broken free. I cannot corral them in the bathtub anymore. I had hoped to keep about four of them until Mark gets home, but three weeks is an awfully long time at the stage they are in now, much less the activiness they'll have in another week or two. Yikes!

I have made a resolution relating to my future when Mark is home. I need to flesh it out more fully, but I'll begin it here. Last Sunday, Rocky called to go to lunch. She called because she knew I was home alone. I frequently will not call her to do something (like when I had the extra Loretta Lynn ticket) because I assume that she will want to be with her boyfriend. I am going to quit making those kinds of assumptions. I will call and ask and if she wants to be with her boyfriend she can tell me. I told her this so she won't feel any obligation or feel like there will be hurt feelings if she says no. I want to do that with all my friends. I also am going to do my best to not make my own assumptions about my Sunday. I won't assume that Mark will want to do something with me. I will ask him or see if he has any plans and if it looks like we aren't going to do something, I will find a way to entertain myself. I am going to spread this gospel among my friends, as well. After ice cream Monday, Kramer commented, "So you're going to be single for three more weeks?" as if that is the only time frame that we can go hear music or eat ice cream or do something. It isn't. I reserve the right to say no because I do want to be home with my husband, or because I just want to be alone, but I'm going to spread the word that assumptions are frequently wrong and there is no harm in asking! Okay, I'm off my soapbox now. Would you please remind me of this paragragh in May?

Also had an interesting epiphany tonight while talking to CGP. I kept having listeners come up and talk and talk and talk. Some were nice and to the point and just wanted to say hello. Others were drunk and carried on a little more than I would like. Then there were some listeners/acquaintances that hung around and visited, that even knew CGP so we were all talking. But, still, I felt awkward because my attention kept being diverted from CGP and I didn't know if he felt like I was ignoring him or what. He was laughing about my being a "celebrity" and I asked if that bothered him. No, of course not, not at all. I realized tonight that I was flashing back to my first "real" boyfriend in college at 19. I was in radio then, too, and had gotten us tickets to a concert. Seems like it was the Atlanta Rhythm Section (lord I loved them) or Van Halen. I had gotten the tickets and it was really "my" date. But we got to the civic center and I wanted to go be with and stay with my friends from the station. Mike wanted to go be with his friends. There was lots of awkwardness and tension and I didn't have the confidence or balls to just tell him what I thought. It was very weird. I wimped out then and ended up wimping out to him a lot over the months trying to please him in so many ways. Obviously, that was a disaster. I've learned a lot in the intervening 25 years, and there haven't been too many times since then that I have had a new boyfriend situation while in that "celebrity" role. When I met Mark I was on the radio but I was just a traffic reporter and weekender and didn't have a high profile to contend with. Now, of course, CGP is not a boyfriend in that sense, but those same feelings were coming back. Glad I could put my finger on it and see why I was feeling so uncomfortable.

Ah, journal therapy. A wonderful thing.