Yesterday was one of my panic-mode days. I don't know why those happen. Maybe it was sparked by trying to work on the taxes and the bills and seeing the lack of money and stupid mistakes I made that cost us money... Whatever it was, I was in fraught mode all day long. I tried to go to a gig and the place was so crowded and noisy and I had that added anxiety of people asking other people to dance. That sends me back to junior high. I did not want to dance yesterday so I'm worrying what I WILL say if someone asks me to dance so that they don't take it personally (worrying too damn much about their feelings instead of my own) and worrying how I'll feel if nobody bothers to ask me to dance! How screwed up is that? No one did ask me to dance. The line to the counter finally got short enough that I got in it and had a beer and a slice of pizza and that did help calm me down enough to stay through the half-way point. Then I went home. Did I jump right back into taxes and finances? Of course not.
So today I have taken a day off and am home frittering away the time I've taken by cooking some soup and writing here and fretting. I debate taking a Xanax or drinking or doing other things that might calm me, but then I worry that they might also just put me to sleep.
So I am breathing deeply. I will eat my soup. I will print an insurance statement so I can get my car inspected this afternoon. And I will calm down and work on money stuff.