Wednesday, Jun. 08, 2005 10:55 pm

Big Mouth

I am trying to breathe deeply and remember I am not responsible for other's feelings, but I feel like the shittiest friend on the planet. I have thoroughly destroyed my dear friend, the housesitter, tonight.

He comes in to the station on Wednesday and takes care of the board until midnight. He has had an off-and-on girlfriend for three years. They have been off for a while. He is still in love with her, but she has broken his heart and cheated on him repeatedly and been an absolute lying bitch to him. So they are broken up. I saw her last night where she works and found out she got MARRIED last week. She was ecstaticly happy and went on and on about it. I wanted to ask her if my friend KNEW.

I didn't know if I needed to tell him and if I should tell him and if I did tell him should I wait until after his work night or what. I figured I would play it by ear. It wasn't like I was running to him with gossip, I just knew he needed to know this if he didn't know.

He came to work and we chatted and were conversing. He was telling me that his dad is about to remarry and we discussed that. He said that he felt like he was starting fresh and things were really good right now. I felt, from that, that he was over her and possibly even know about this. I told him I had seen her last night and that she had gotten married.

The man fell apart. I don't know when I've last seen a man cry in pain and it is not something I ever want to see, but he was just crushed. Just knocked to his knees. I hugged him, I comforted him. The show was going on, obviously, so I took back over for him and made him go settle himself and smoke a cigarette. I told him to go be by himself in my office if he needed to. He said he would be fine, he would be back.

I ran things and then he came back. Could he do it? Could he pull it together and work for the next five hours? He thought he could. But then he fell apart again. I made the call that he needed to go home. He had transportation and he said he could get there. We rearranged our resources and figured how we could make everything still happen without too much difficulty.

I went on to the cafe and called him. He had made it home, but sounded worse than before. I called him after the show and got no answer. That really alarmed me. It isn't all about me, but I already feel like shit and I don't know what I would do if he hurt himself. I love this guy and I don't want that to happen. Fortunately, he called me back in a few minutes. He was still crying and torn up and disbelieving and angry. His best friends and neighbors are across the hall and they knew about this now, so I hope they will monitor him through the night and make sure he is okay. I will check with him in the morning.

It's okay to say I am not responsible for his feelings, but that is a hard stance to take when I devastated him so much. But I also felt like if I didn't tell him, it would be because I was self-serving, wanting the show to go on more than wanting him to know what he needed to know.

The girl is a bitch. He says they talked the day before she got married last week and she didn't even mention it. He was showing me text messages from last week where she was telling him she missed him and she thought about him every day. I also saw the word "orgasm" and "masterbate" and thought "Uh, too much information... don't need to know what that message is about!" at the same time I'm thinking: People put this stuff in text messages?

I am angry and her and I am angry at myself. I know he will get through this and I know that now he will have to get over her, but I feel so bad to have been that trigger. Man, I feel like shit.

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Book Club - Tuesday, Jan. 28, 2014
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