Estoy Nueces

I'm excited! I may have found an answer to my voice. Wednesday night at the music series (which was very good with Aaron)someone said something about when Johnny Bush had no voice for a long period of time. I knew that had happened, but hadn't thought about it in conjunction with my symptoms. I contacted a friend that has written a biography of Johnny and he said Johnny has ------- (crap, my mind has blanked out what it is called, but I really know what it is... somewhere in the back of my mind). Anyway, I searched it and the symptoms match me so closely, including being able to talk when laughing, but not normally. Spasmodic dysfunction. I think that was what it was called.

Man, my mind is not putting words together this morning. Maybe it was because I made the mistake of turning on the radio and listening to the morning show for a bit.

This is so choppy!

But the bottom line is, this condition sounds plausible, but isn't treated by too many doctors because they treat the vocal cords simply by looking at them instead of listening to them. If they look smooth and healthy they pronounce you "cured" when if they listened to you talk, they would know there is a problem. There are doctors in Houston and San Antonio and Dallas that treat this with Botox. That's what Johnny Bush had done to his vocal cords, too, and it has allowed him to function again. It sounds pretty frightening to allow someone to inject poison in your throat, but if it helps me talk again, I would try it.

Today I will call my ENT and see what she knows about this and see if she has any results on my MRI and then I'm calling Houston! I believe that doctor is even on my insurance, so that makes sense to see him. I'm very excited that there might be a solution to this.

Oh, another "symptom" of this is that frequently it is thought to be psychological instead of physiological, which I certainly have thought, but haven't been able to understand how to fix it.

On other fronts.... Said goodbye to my favorite member of our group yesterday. Cried and cried. Broke my heart to let him go, but I admire him making the decision and going if that's what he feels he needs to do. He talked about stories from The Little Prince and I have never read that classic, so I ordered it yesterday.

And I was probably so sad yesterday, too, because our road manager friend that had the heart condition on Sunday passed away on Wednesday. I thought he would be able to make it from what I heard Monday, but he lost blood to the brain and his family took him off life support. A sad sad story. He was newly married and so young and so vital.

I have had some doozy dreams lately and I had one this morning, too. (stop now if you hate to hear other people's dreams)... I was doing some laundry and trying to get us some clean washcloths (we've had a shortage in this house for a week). The top of the washer (a BIG washer) was down level with the floor. I was doing several things, sorting clothes and such, while the washer was filling and three toddlers and a baby were "playing" in the water of the washer. So swirling soapy water is all around and over them and they are being pulled under. Finally it dawns on me that maybe this isn't the best place for children to be playing. I fish out the baby and lay him over here on his stomach and pat him and the water in his lungs comes out. I fish out a couple of toddlers and send them on their way. I know there is one more down in the bottom and I'm reaching around for him and realizing that he is probably drowned. I was scared and knew that this was NOT good to have let a child drown in my washing machine so, knowing this was a DREAM, I "fixed" it and fished him out and did some CPR and he was fine, but I knew that I was only able to do that because it was a dream. Scarey.

I also dreamed I had several tool boxes and lots of little parts in plastic bags... like buttons that come with new clothes. I was bemoaning the fact that you buy something new and they give you these parts and tools and you don't need them because whatever it is is new and fine, then when it breaks later and you need them, you don't remember what you did with the tools that you need. I was stuffing these little tools in their plastic into various tool boxes (down sort of under a deck that was being built) and figured I'd not have them when I needed them.

Interpretations? Am I drowning my inner child? Do I need to rescue myself from sure disaster? Do I not know where the tools I need are? Do I have the tools but don't know what to do with them? hmmmmm

And, one last thing. American Idol 2005 has ended and Carrie Underwood has won. I think she is cute and talented, though a little bland. I'm sure she will do as well as any of the Idols. I hope she doesn't turn into the diva Kelly turned into (as evidenced at our rodeo last year). I expect Bo will get a deal and also be very big. Mark was all behind Vonzell and feels she was robbed. We already knew who the winner was before we saw the final show a day late (you couldn't avoid the news), but we liked the final episode anyway. Now that that show and Desperate Housewives are over, I thought I was going to have to get a life again. Fortunately, Six Feet Under begins its last season on June 6 and I can immerse myself in it for a few months again. Something to watch in the summer is a wonderful thing.