Mother called me when I got to work. She told me that she and Daddy had just gotten home from her second mammogram. I knew she was going back for the second mammogram and they had warned her early that she would need a second one because she hadn't had one in years and they wanted to be able to compare and double-check, etc. But yesterday they told her that there is a lump in her breast. That is not what any woman or any woman's daughter wants to hear. Tomorrow she is going to have a biopsy and then we'll know where to go from there. My sister said she would go with her to the biopsy. My mother insisted I didn't need to come up for this. They probably won't have results until next week and then we'll know if she needs to have surgery or what. My sister and her family leave for Holland on Sunday and that bothers her a great deal. She is used to taking care of us all and doesn't want to be around the world, but I told her I will definitely be up there for anything Mom needs during that time (and after, too).

Mother is all cheerful and "if it is cancer, I don't want chemo or radiation." And she says she'd like to just ignore this and just live her life. We, of course, won't let her do that. It really tears me up to think about Mom suffering or having to go through this. Especially since she won't have a good caregiver (HER) like Daddy has had. We will absolutely have to get them into some assisted living to have someone making sure she's watched over. Both of them.

So, yesterday I kept my gave face on all day and then fell apart once I was home and then even more when Mark got home and I could tell him. He was sweet and let me cry and talk and just held me.

DD was on my show, but he had handlers with him that didn't leave so we didn't get to have the personal conversations we usually have. He is in love, and that is good. He's found a woman that is mature and not in the business and he's known her a long time, so it does sound promising. His show last night was very good. The band playing at the after party was good, too, and that part didn't suck too bad either. Certainly easy money. I didn't stay too long, did my thing, and went home.

I also got a big ol' bag of tomatoes yesterday from the farm I mentioned on the air last week. How nice is that!? I may have brought home tomatoes that Jay had claimed, because they apparently sent some to the old men, too (dammit) but I'll take them back to him if he wants. I shared some of mine with production guys because I knew we couldn't eat them all. But we did have a wonderful cheese and tomato sandwich late last night. Real tomatoes are a wonderful thing. I think anyone that doesn't like tomatoes has only eaten grocery store tomatoes and I can see why they don't like them. It's like the difference between a canned peach and a fresh peach. They are like two totally different substances.

So today I will go to work and feel pressured again all day and try to get things done. I wish I could just relax and enjoy my life up there. I enjoy a lot of it, but I always feel under threat. Just that lurking feeling of danger up ahead.