Saturday, Dec. 23, 2006 9:43 am
Daddy is dead
The bottom line is, Daddy died last Friday morning December 15.
After I last wrote, my sister and oldest nephew visited Daddy and he was doing okay. He was trying to talk and my nephew said "Let's play charades!" and when Dad made some motion with his hand, my nephew said "Fireworks!?" That made Daddy chuckle with the silliness. I'm glad he got that last visit and laugh with his grandson.
On Friday moring, they called Mother from the hospital and said Daddy had arrested and they needed her to come to the hospital. She asked "Will he make it?" and they said, "Please just come to the hospital." We think he probably was already dead at that time.
She called my sister. My brother-in-law has his own business and he sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night and just goes on to his office. He had done that that morning. So my sister called him to go get my mother while she got dressed.
The morning was incredibly foggy so he had to slowly go up to their home. Meanwhile, my sister got dressed and dashed, in the fog, to the hospital, so she was there first and there was a long wait for Mother. I need to ask her if they went ahead and let her know Daddy was dead. I guess that they did.
Finally Mother was there and they told her and they all got to see him (did my brother-in-law? I have questions I didn't know I had) and went back to my sister's house.
They called me at 7:45. Most nights I can't hear the house phone and usually don't have my cell close by either. But since that morning I needed to have the cell for the alarm, I had it close by.
I thought the phone was the alarm, which I must have mis-set, since it was way too early. I was clamoring to find out how to turn it off and apologizing to Mark for it to go off when I got it answered.
Mom was on the phone and she said "I've got some bad news." I should have known right then, I guess, but I still thought that more surgeries or he was back on the ventilator were going to be the bad news. And really, that would have been worse news in some ways. She started her story from the beginning about the hospital calling and she went on and rambled and I finally said (And Mark says he will never forget my voice) "Are you telling me my Daddy's dead?" And she said yes. It really was such a shock. He had been bad, but not THAT bad, it seemed. They said even the nurses and doctors were in shock that he died. We don't know yet what really caused his death either.
They had taken the trach out on the night before and let him breathe on his own, which sounds like that wasn't a good idea. But they said there wasn't any phlegm in his throat blocking anything. I don't know if the lack of breath stopped the heart or brain or what. But they say he arrested and they tried to resussitate him. My sister said, He had a DNR! They were oblivious to that fact.
So, now, everything changes, even on a moment to moment basis. I had a lunch scheduled on my tour thing. I had work that day? What to do? I decided I would work (though everyone thought I was crazy except my family). I did the lunch thing and only one listener asked about Daddy, fortunately. I told her the truth and she, sweetly, changed the subject. Joey was there, too, and that was sweet and solicitous. It really was a nice place and a great lunch and my mind was mostly on it and not the death and everything to come.
I went to work the same way. Most people at work didn't know. I went to the traffic girl to find out what spots I needed to cut. She said "How's your Dad?" and I said, "He died this morning" and she said "Oh, good" and went on. I had to halt her and say "I don't think you heard what I said..." She thought I said "He got out this morning."
After work I stayed until midnight trying to get things squared away. Saturday I don't remember what I did most of the day. I think Mark and I went and had Mexican food. My cousin called while I was there, which was sweet. I felt sort of left out of the calls and notifications. I guess I could have been up here if I had wanted to be a part of that.
I worked some more at the station on Saturday and got all that I could done. I bought kitty litter and food and talked to a neighbor about the cats. Mark had an early evening gig and that was mainly why we stayed so late, so that we could go up together. When he was done we left and drove up to my sister's, getting there about 2 in the morning. We saw the younger nephew and her a minute before going to bed.
Also Friday morning my sister said she had called my aunt and cousins in Arkansas and hadn't gotten anyone and didn't want to leave a message. I said I had the son's cell phone number from his recent visit to Texas. So I did call him and give him the news to give to family. He and I cried a bit together and that was cathartic.
I think I will continue in another entry...